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Dear NYC Taxi•Uber•Gett•Lyft, You are no longer of use to me. I will now be calling upon my eager and willing slaves to transport The Lovely Mistresses of The Fortress, whenever and wherever they please! We don't care for your bribes of warm lint pocket chewing gum, or 99 cent store bottled water.. Nor will we pay ridiculous surcharges, while you insist upon playing your latest favorite tunes~during you're little "off map detours". Seriously. Shame on you. My new ride always arrives on time, waits, offers mute/volume control, shoe shine, worship, dry cleaning, a puppy, whips/chains, fresh assorted macaroons & Dunkin Donuts coffee, tickling allowance, pedicures & massage, porta potty & a USB phone charger. You wish you were on my level. Sincerely, Mistress Von Dietz.