Fear

[Farm Boy]

Submitting to a domme evokes a number a number of sensations such as pain, humiliation and anxiety, all of which seem fairly easy to achieve.  Genuine fear, however, seems a more complicated task.  Wondering from dommes and subs successful experiences in this space.  My most successful experiences with fear combine the absence of a safe word (are you really submitting if you maintain that control?) and an initial kick in the balls The prospect of further impact on my balls and having no way to stop in (bondage enhances that scenario) results,  as Mistress Kang once said, in absolute terror in me.  How do others get to that sensation? 

[Mistress Lovely]

Fear is the body’s response to risk. 

To achieve real, cold-blooded fear in a session- something real has to be on the line. Maybe your pride. Maybe a cherished self-image. Maybe the illusion that you’re in control. You get out what you put in.

No domme needs to remove your safeword to take away your control. We simply reveal that you never had any to begin with.

[Ford Ranger]

I’m looking for fear but not terror, so for me I think it’s finding someone who is really good at knowing where your boundary really is.
 

If we both know I’m fine with an 8 but a 10 is too much, what happens at 9? Will it be too much? That anticipation is also fear. And I trust my Mistress to know how to find that line and push me right to up against it. 

[applicant11]

On 8/22/2025 at 12:10 AM, Farm Boy said:

Submitting to a domme evokes a number a number of sensations such as pain, humiliation and anxiety, all of which seem fairly easy to achieve.  Genuine fear, however, seems a more complicated task.  Wondering from dommes and subs successful experiences in this space.  My most successful experiences with fear combine the absence of a safe word (are you really submitting if you maintain that control?) and an initial kick in the balls The prospect of further impact on my balls and having no way to stop in (bondage enhances that scenario) results,  as Mistress Kang once said, in absolute terror in me.  How do others get to that sensation? 

I would never play without a safe word. The important part of the safe word is the first part, "safe". It's intended to keep both you and the Domme safe in a complicated, emotional, and intense situation.

In terms of humiliation and anxiety, I suppose the lack of a safe word is less important, but if you're doing intense pain play, a safe word is a must.

With regards to pain, a safe word is a very important signal to the Domme that something is wrong. I like to say there's "good pain" and there's "bad pain" in a session, and a safe word is designed to prevent the bad pain, the kind that can result in serious injury. For example, I recall a session in which I was blindfolded, restrained, and standing. Somehow or another, I ended up falling over and hitting my head which hurt in a bad way. The mistress attempted to 'catch' me and she ended up falling too. After we both took a pause and I regained my composure, we continued once the pain in my head went away. Another such type of situation is with restraints - if you lose feeling in your limbs, say something and have the restraints adjusted. Yes, it disrupts the flow of a session, but it also prevents permanent injury.

Let's say you want to be spanked very hard during a session and wish to push your limits of pain tolerance. Foolishly, you decide "I don't need a safe word! Keep spanking even if I ask you to stop!" and the Domme starts spanking away.  But one of the strikes misses slightly and causes your knee to slam into the table you're secured to. You're in an unbearable, unexpected, unwanted type of pain, and you beg her to stop. How does she know to stop or keep going? 

If you want the sensation of fear, an approach is to be honest with yourself about what your limits are in detail - what don't you want to do, no matter what? what do you want to do? and, importantly, what do you want the Mistress to push you in? Some call this a "soft limit", and a good way to get the feeling of fear is to build up to it, feel yourself approach the limit, and let the Mistress push farther and farther. Since this is something known to both prior to the session, she'll be paying attention to how you react and the buildup serves to amplify your own internal feelings of dread. "Can I continue to endure? When will she stop?" Playing with endurance can really get fear going, "only 30 more seconds" or "10 more, let's do it!" can allow you to get that sensation without doing anything unsafe. For me, that approach works very well in a safe manner. I wonder how much I can take, and I try to obey and take more if the Mistress keeps going to her preferred stopping point. I always find that the Mistress will take me farther than I would have willingly gone, but not too far.