Fetish Phenomenon

[mongoose]

I saw pics of Miko Yoshiki's rope bondage pics and I've been very interested in BDSM ever since. I was supposed to have my first BDSM session with Mika Tan but that got screwed up. She said I didn't seem the type.

[mongoose]

I've dated about 7 or 8 Asian women and whomever thinks they're docile should be kicked in the head repeatedly.

[skeech2]

I've dated about 7 or 8 Asian women and whomever thinks they're docile should be kicked in the head repeatedly.

 

Ha ha! Some of us have had to learn that the hard way. Docility is a tool, a trap. Once they have you, there is no escape.

[akiravn1]

I've dated about 7 or 8 Asian women and whomever thinks they're docile should be kicked in the head repeatedly.

 

Hopefully by an Asian woman.

[bobsballs]

I also find this a very interesting topic. I have been involved in fetish for about 12 years. I believe my first interest was sparked when I saw some pics on the internet where a young, petite woman kicked a man in the balls, and then in subsequent pics, was shown standing over him...in a type of victory pose. I was fascinated by these pics, and the realizaation that a petite woman could so easily subdue a much larger man with relative ease. I searched for more ballbusting, and found very little in the way of videos or pics back then, but I was hooked. I have since had ballbusting session with over a dozen women of all shapes, ages, and races, but my best experiences have always been with Asian women (and 1 Latina).

 

I would pose two follow on questions...although maybe they would be better suited in a different thread:

 

1: I've always been amazed by guys need for different kinds of pain. I love ballbusting, and know must men I know think I'm crazy. Still, I enjoy basic ballbusting, no cbt with needles, pins, wands etc, and I met a man that LOVED to be bullwhipped, and to me, THAT is "crazy". So I'm curious how we develop our need for different types of pain/submission.

 

2: Over the years, I've found that my taste in kink has evolved. I have developed an interest in foot worship, trample, and other forms of humiliation...physical and mental. I wonder if this is common, or others have found their tastes changing over the years?

 

Ballbusting is still my first and true love. I have a session (my first at the Fortress) scheduled with Mistress Jung, and I cant WAIT!

[John082]

 

I wonder how many of you out there, our Forum readers, are lifelong fetishists of some sort or another, and how many are just getting their toes wet but certainly willing to dive in for a swim should the temperature be just right?

 

 

After much introspection, I confidently put myself down as a lifelong fetishist. Being in my late forties, this was an engaging memory exercise. If the past is a somewhat reliable predictor of the future, I’m sure some curious engrammic flotsam shall arise over the next few days further supporting my position.

 

Memories: fifth grade, mean homeroom teacher. I had a dream whereby me and all my fellow students were sitting in a banquet hall, and we were supposed to be quiet. The student next to me was talking, and the stern homeroom teacher singled me out for it, although I had been silent. I don’t think he liked me, because I had an independent streak and spoke my mind. I didn't rat out my buddy (fifth grade omertà) , and as a result I was told to come up to the dais, and was beaten with a cotton tablecloth that had a knotted corner with a goblet in it (Catholic school—goblets all over the place). When I didn’t make a sound, the teacher gave me a grudging respect and let me return to my seat.

 

Memories: tenth grade, shapely, raven-haired Italian Chem teacher. She often wore a leather jacket, tight jeans, and moccasin boots. I used to fantasize about her holding me down and forcing me to have sex with her. (All hail hormone-fueled optimism!)

 

Influences: also around tenth grade, was a reading geek—anything not assigned by a teacher, that is. Read through the existing Gor series of books, which at the time I only recognized as being enjoyable. The Gor books are alternate world adventures which I now know are actually thinly veiled BDSM soft-porn. In most books, the women were servants and objects of the warriors, and to a scrawny and shy teenager this seemed like a great set-up! They occupied my mind quite a bit during those years. Thankfully, B. Dalton sold them, so my parents and teachers didn’t recognize what a porn-fest they were for a teenage boy. There was also at least one book where the roles were reversed, and the men were objects. Thoroughly enjoyed that, too.

 

Influences: early eighties, early MTV. One of the first videos to feature a storyline was Golden Earring’s Twilight Zone. At 2:48 or so into the video, the hero of the piece is tied up and being interrogated. Cue the Dancing Dommes. Three girls wearing leather playsuits (or rubber, or PVC, not sure), black gloves, black stockings, thick collars around their necks, and black policeman hats, come dancing into the starkly empty warehouse space and try to coerce the hero into talking. They end up injecting him with truth serum. The lyrics are somewhat telling, featuring: “It’s 2 a.m., the fear is gone…there’s a storm on the loose, Sirens in my head…Help, I’m steppin’ into the Twilight Zone, place is a madhouse…Where am I to go now that I’ve gone too far?” Definitely strongly aroused by this video (hey, it was the eighties, I was young, and Al Gore hadn't invented the internet yet).

 

 

Through my twenties and early thirties, I remained strongly attracted to such fare, but life intervened, and partners were not so opened minded. I think for my generation one's forties are a breakpoint, in that most people of that age quit censoring themselves as much as they have always done, and tend to care less what people think. Open-minded partners are easier to find in mainstream settings, and of course the proliferation of porn on the internet breaks down some barriers too (gee, there are other people like me! Maybe I’m not such a freak, or maybe being a little freaky is as fun as it looks!)

 

Starting with my late thirties, adventures and indulgences ensued, to much great mutual satisfaction. The seeds, however, were there from long before.

[kitchen_sync]

I wonder how many of you out there, our Forum readers, are lifelong fetishists of some sort or another, and how many are just getting their toes wet but certainly willing to dive in for a swim should the temperature be just right?

 

 

Mistress Kang - you pose a very interesting question so, here goes:

 

(John082, your post really struck a nerve with me. We're close to the same age and have had similar experiences.)

 

The first hint that I was "different" was my realization in grade school that I had a foot fetish.

All of my friends got off on pictures of naked girls courtesy of Playboy and Hustler, but it seemed like I was the only one that got excited from the barefoot models in the Sears catalog.

 

Fast forward to 6th grade where our unofficial class reading assignment was "The Happy Hooker" by Xaveria Hollander. This autobiography was pretty mainstream, but there were a few kinky episodes. While most of the class would read a chapter and then say "Ewww, gross!", I kept my mouth shut thinking quietly to myself: "I'm going to try that one day".

 

An epiphany for me came in a Richard Pryor film called "Which Way Is Up?" where Richard's wife is topping him, with a whip, then proceeds to use a dildo on him. Of course his father (also played by Pryor) bursts into the room at that moment, sees what's going on and declares "The boy done turned into a freak!". Yup, the story of my life.

When I finally got my hacking skills going at age 14, I built my own dildo to re-enact that scene. It worked better than I ever thought and brought to me the realization that this was who I was and while I could try to ignore it, I could not change it.

 

When I finally did become sexually active, I simply could not find a partner that was into kink. So, I ended up with a vanilla lifestyle (hey vanilla is fun too!). I did have a pattern where I dated athletic women who were taller than me but the kink was always missing.

This went on until my mid-twenties when I met a woman that would change my life.

 

The first hint that my girlfriend "Lola" was different was when she caught me peeking at her feet in her sexy sandals. She just smiled, took off her sandals and made sure I could see what I wanted without having to hide. How cool is that!? She was totally uninhibited and was open to anything - all I had to do was ask. We explored just about everything I had ever wanted, including some pretty kinky stuff that she was into - and the coolest part was that she actually enjoyed it all.

My friends couldn't understand why in the world I was with her (she had unrelated issues that got in the way of our relationship), but I held onto her for as long as I could.

 

So thanks to "Lola", and the wisdom that comes with age, I realize I'm not alone, that I don't really care what anyone else thinks about me and that I'm interested in expanding my horizons even further.

[mongoose]

I was dating a Korean girl back in 2005 and she would like to restrain my hands wihile we were having sex. It was amazing. I've been hooked on it ever since.

[Outcast]

John082 and Kitchen ,thank you so much for posting because it seems a lot of our life experiences are similar and its nice knowing your not completely alone in the universe. For me, getting older also means caring less about what others think and getting closer to your nature. I love the popular culture references too, esp of the MTV which was my early teen rub a quick one out material(esp if Martha Quinn was on!!) And the Richard Pryor flick where he plays the old man. He has to be the funniest man of the 20th century. I also was lucky to date a few open minded "Lolas" who were adventurous and loved to explore fun things in the bedroom. Really cool posts that hit the nail on the head.

[subjman]

On 5/15/2012 at 7:40 PM, Mistress Kang said:

I am an inquisitive being (therefore I am)- always have been and no reason to think that I'd ever not be. Do you not agree? (lol)

 

Information is one of the most powerful tools- I'd much rather be weidling a measuring device than a power tool.

 

That said, I ask a lot of questions especially in new situations. Lately I've noticed a trend among the novices that I've or another "Comrade de Fortress" has played with. For most of them, their session with their chosen Fortress Mistress was their very first BDSM experience. It's quite flattering actually 😉

 

One could speculate that Fetish Enthusiasts, Dominants, Submissives, Slaves, Tops, Bottoms, and the sort, are simply *not* the sort that are born overnight. Many of us recall kinky cravings and desires dating back to our adolescent and formative years. Unfortunately, personal and social obstacles make it difficult to explore these urges freely, or even exploring them at all.

 

I've played with BDSM beginners- submissive men in their 40's with perversion in their blood like me, since the sprouting of their first pube, they're overcome with an insatiable appetite to be leather-hooded..bound..thickly coat red lipstick on their lips..asphixiated..just to list a few. Early attempts to satisfy these fetishes lead him to "borrow" a girlfriend's tube of lipstick, hiding in a coat closet and applying laying after layer, taking off his own leather belt and emptying out the leather handbag he found in the closet before putting it over his head followed by cinching the belt around his neck. Rudimentary as it gets! Easy to make the connection from putting on your girlfriend's red lipstick, hiding inside the family coat closet sitting on the floor with Auntie's leather purse over your head and tightening your leather belt over the purse around your neck, to seeing a Domme.

 

Other BDSM beginners I've played with- men in their 40's acting on their seemingly new desire to be dominated, they've never had a kinky inclination except for the mild BDSM they've managed to slip into mainstream media.

 

Both examples takes "balls" to act on. I've always welcome beginners ("I

 

I wonder how many of you out there, our Forum readers, are lifelong fetishists of some sort or another, and how many are just getting their toes wet but certainly willing to dive in for a swim should the temperature be just right?

Beautiful and thought provoking.  So I have always felt that we are hardwired from birth with our desires. Its a matter of how we process them. Someone one time asked me how long I have been into kink. My reply was kink has always been in me. 

Now saying that one is into kink is akin to someone saying they are into food.  It helps to narrow things down. So for those who are lifetime kinksters, it was never a matter of if, but how. And to that extent, its important to be precise. If one starts a journey not knowing where they are going, they will end up somewhere, but probably not where they want to go.

For many porn is the first exposure to a particular kink. But a magazine is static, and does not change. A famous female porn photographer once said that most will procure a magazine or video out of specific interest, but in time, since content does not change, but we as people do, so there is always a market for new porn.

So initially enticements are always in our mind. There is some expansion because of content, but in the end, that content becomes part our internal fetish cinema. So there is the process of reaching out, and for fetish lovers, and speaking as a male, it is much easier to find submissive females than it is to find non professional dominant females. I mean, when was the last time one saw a dungeon comprised of only submissive females.  Then it becomes interesting.

People love high end restaurants because of the skill of the chef. I would think, one does not get to be a good chef unless they like cooking. Now of course, elevated skills have elavated value, but I doubt if there are many top end chefs who the day they began learning felt that they hated cooking. The same for musicians, or actors, or artists, or any skill. There are many Dominant artists who you get the sense that they are just punching the clock, that its just a job, and with any job. And that is perfectly fine, we do what we have to do to survive.  So while some may think that its about getting all the eggs they can from the golden goose, the special ones learn that its about giving the goose a reason to go out and get more and more eggs and joyfully offer.  A real Dom or Domme knows that the best control is to control other's pleasure.  And subs have to learn that pleasure for a Domme means something else. That said,  I try to avoid chefs who don't like to cook, mechanics who don't like to work on cars, or actors who dont enjoy acting.  

An actor is playing a role. Its pretend, its make believe. Yet, the great actors can make the audience laugh, cry, move to joy or anger, and think. In that sense, it is nonsensical to think that a Pro Domme is just there for the joy of it all.  They too have their pleasure and it comes in very tangible forms. So I don't mind that a Domme desires value. What I do mind are those who not very good at their craft, or do not understand that their form of pleasure requires customer satisfaction. A business, any business, will not stay in business very long if they provide excellent customer service.   Its not just the product being offered, its the experience. Which leads to another point.

Most people with kinks have their own mental studio in which everything is perfectly tailored to their desires, but mental facilitation does not utilize all of the senses, and much like fetish media content, can become stale, which is why they seek specialized services.   So when they have initial discussions, it is problematic to condense a lifetime of thoughts and desires into a few sentences. That makes it harder for the provider of the service to know what the customer is looking for. As a result the experience can be less than desirable.  So return to an earlier metaphor, saying that you want to be dominated is like saying you want to be served food. It helps to be specific, and it really helps to understand that the dynamic between two people requires understanding and honesty, but also the expectation that a Domme will process and internalize from their experiences which for me is the goal. I don't want a copy of a fetish video I saw, I want someone to engage from their perspective, which is why one has to put effort into seeing which providers are closest to their desires. A spanko is not looking for intense rope bondage, and someone into rope bondage is not look primarily for foot worship in the same sense that one who likes Italian food will probably not enjoy going to a French restaurant. And to be sure, a fetish engagement is not a destination, its a journey, which is why the experience is better over time as both parties understand better the touchpoints.

I said all of that to say, the question of what we like would be important if we choose to engage on a solo basis. What we like, and why one goes to a Professional Dungeon is not just a matter of what one likes, but how much time and effort is put into understand how to get the best experience.  One of my first Dommes when I began to explore my sub switch persona said that a really good Domme , like any artist, expected to be offer much appreciation for their services, while at the same time, making the experience at any amount, seem like a bargain. To me, a really good Domme, even when they are strict as hell, are really people who care about others, and understand that its a good business practice to make a submissive stronger and more confident in their desires.  A really good sub should understand that being a Domme is what someone does, not who they are, and that one always should carry respect and decency with them. In a perfect engage, one party gives to the extent that the other person is motivated to give effort into making sure the other party is motivated to keep giving, and in a really perfect situation, the more one gives the more one gets and it because a perfect win win cycle, where everyone is happy. Happy in the end, is the truest fetish of all.