Freud

[Mistress Fei]

He says that fetishes, when repressed, lead to neurosis. To lead a neurosis free life, we can't repress that urge and must acknowledge, and confront it.Anything a person represses can lead to behavioral problems in life. If someone has a desire to act outside of what they perceive to be "normal" or "acceptable" that person then needs to hide part of who he/she is. Those behavioral problems can manifest in many different ways including anxiety, neurosis, depression, etc....But going back to the point, can you repress a "fetish"? How does one know they are fetishist? Certainly, one would know their desires are out of line with their peers, but would those desires be considered fetish? If you look over time, go back 1,000 years, what is fetish? Was dressing a man in woman's clothes fetish back then? I would say that fetish is environmental, sociological, and relevant to the current trends in society. So that repression and form of repression will change over time. But as long as people have an outlet to explore what others perceive as not normal a fetish neurosis will not form. But then others will form. Such as having to hide the fetish from a loved one or family.Point is, there is no escaping the web we weave with others in culture and society unless you can train yourself not to care what others think and can create a life that is free from the acceptance of others.What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm? See PMWhat has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective?Extraordinarily helpful and entirely different than what I expected to find. Completely therapeutic. There is a cycle in it that enables the brain to change between many phases and states and through that cycle it feels to me like negative "energy" (for lack of a better term) is released and more positive "energy" is gained. I feel renewed, relaxed, joyful, focused, and energized.When did you first realize your urge and how? See PMWhat drove you to explore it?See PM

Hi there!

 

I have a lot to say in response to your very insightful answers. I'm having trouble replying to your PM right now as it seems we are having some trouble on this front but I wanted you to know I read your response twice and watched the videos. I'm glad that I'm seeing you soon so that we can go over a lot of these topics in person. I too have had various forms of anxiety so I can relate to you. After you experience crippling panic attacks, it is both the most confining experience being terrified of and trapped in your own body and the most liberating too- there's nothing left to be afraid of after you've had that kind of experience where your own body and mind can turn against you. I'll reply to your PM in detail when the function allows and can't wait to discuss with you.

 

x Fei

[Mistress Fei]

Thank you for the topic Ms. Fae,

I think Freud certainly deserves his place as the father of modern psychology but his theories are antiquated and of course subjective. There is no real reliable evidence to substantiate the success of psychoanalysis as a mode of therapy. Of course his influence stretches much more widely then that, in literary and art criticism for example. His definition of fetish as rooted in the fear and desire present in the mother/son attachment differs considerably from the common understanding of fetish today. Still, there certainly is quite a lot of HOT material there for future role plays;-) I like the original meaning of the word fetish "an object of reverence we subscribe supernatural powers or irresistible powers to." No doubt that erotic self-discovery can be liberating and that repressing certain desires for clothing types, toys, or particular activities due to barriers of religious-based or other shame can cause distress or psychological discomfort. Thankfully we have this forum, the FF, and all sorts of support communities out there.

I think there is a tendency to separate "fetish" from a more inclusive definition of what sex is. Power exchange is just another variation and a means to have a richer,, psychological charged experience to those who are so inclined. .

Without kink and fetish exploration, I think things would have been a hell of a lot more boring for me ! I have been kinky and engaging in BDSM my entire adult life with a few primary and numerous other partners over time and so it has meant a lot of fun, personal exploration, and social connection. I think of myself as wired that way! For years, I didn't buy the idea that "fetish exploration" could be therapeutic in a lasting way but that believe has definitely changed over the past few years especially as I have played with MZ:-) . As another poster eloquently said, it is important for some not to over think attraction and the desire to explore erotic variation, but I have found the self-reflection on interpersonal dynamics and the freedom to play and express freely really valuable. Kinky and fetishist fantasies came along with my sexual awakening in my early teens. If this were a PM, I would go into much more detail but my desire for kink and to act those fantasies out was very strong. My first actual experience occurred around age 18 with a friend who was dating another woman and identified as lesbian. We found ourselves in her mother's outdoor hot tub one night and she began playing with and torturing my nipples. It went on for a long time and it was magical;) I loved both the torturous sensations and the power she had over me. That experience helped me begin the process of accepting that I wanted kink in my erotic encounters. I was quite the raging dresser when I was a young lad/lass;-) But when, despite my fear, I received my first few strokes of a single tail, things changed. I've never had a purely vanilla relationship actually. I eventually began to switch in the SM dynamic and gradually, as I have gotten older, explored the D&S dynamic. Its been at the FF that I have been free to explore submission in a deeper sense with some beautiful, devious, sadistic ladies over the years!

　

Hi Milkdud, your mention of power exchange and your experience at 18 are both very very interesting and instigates psychological probing. I'm interested to know more about your experiences especially after having met you and understand the complex approach you have towards bdsm where it's clearly both light yet deep. I'm really glad you were able to find an outlet and awakening of sorts through corporal, and even happier that you've found MZhao to continue your exploration. Hope to see you soon! Xo

[Mistress Fei]

It's in the first week of October (rather not be specific here). I'll e-mail in advance ... session idea based on your original post here.

Gotcha- can't wait!

[Mistress Fei]

It's more that I've gotten over the shame, and now think a lot about how to frame it. The framing part is more the exploration, how to deal with all that offputtyness. I try to normalize it.

Right- I never felt shame about it until I was taught to feel shame- I think that applies to many things in life. As human beings we aren't born with these judgments. The things we like only feel natural. Only once we're indoctrinated into, and abide by society's contract do we learn to ascribe shame to our interests. I think the only way to normalize it is to stop rationalizing it and just revert to a state of pure existence where nothing has meaning

Rationalizing always will hold a certain degree of societally affected intellectualization 

[bassman]

Gotcha- can't wait!

I sent you an e-mail via the booking mistresses.  (I don't know how to pm you.)  Looking forward ...

[ConsentOptional]

Taking it one bite at a time....

 

Freud says that fetishes, when repressed, lead to neurosis. To lead a neurosis free life, we can't repress that urge and must acknowledge, and confront it....  What do you think about this statement?
 

It's a kind of "how long is a piece of string" problem.  It's as long as we say it is.  At one point would Freud credit us with having "acknowledged" and "confronted" our fetishes.  We learn to live with contradictions, paradoxes, ironies.  And compartmentalization.  Especially men.  Sometimes it's healthy, sometimes not.  Have we not acknowledged and confronted if the fetish stays in a box on the shelf most of the time?  Depends on the length of a piece of string.

 

What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm?

 

Hard to think of my life any other way.  I've been at it about 20 years.

 

What has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective?

 

A blessing and a curse.  Real life experience has demystified somethng that probably needed it.  On the other hand it's made me realize that what I seek will probably forever be a platonic notion.  Something that only exists in the ideal form in my mind.  Experience has helped me refine the way I approach sessions, the way I express what I hope for.  And of course learning the difference between stuff that sounds cool and what actually works in a session.  Over time I have added more an more elements from 'reality'.  For instance being someone shy and tongue-tied around a powerful dominant woman comes naturally.  So that would be part of a roleplay.  Rather than making things more complicated by trying to be a different person.

 

Therapeutic?  Only to the extent that all experience is potentially therapeutic.  I've learned that certain fantasies will never go away.  Certain session activities are always hot.  And straight sex can't hold a candle to being helplessly bound by a latex Goddess.

 

When did you first realize your urge and how?
 

I was probably 5 or 6 the first time I bound myself with a belt.  It has always been there.  I was always attracted to any programming that held out the hope of captivity and bondage at the hands of a femme fatale.

 

What drove you to explore it?

 

It was never anything spiritual.  No digging in my psyche for a learning experience.  It was an intense desire to be completely helpless with no hope of escape.  I wanted a combination of seduction, force, and helplessness.  It has since refined into dabbling with post-session non-consent.  Chastity (sans key).  Assignments in the days immediately preceding a session.  "Soft" blackmail - only for ensuring ongoing non-consensual consent.

 

It's a lot to ask of someone who may well prefer something that can be summed up in a few sentences.  Trust is a big factor on both sides of the cage door.  Trusting someone to take my consent away in a 'safe' way.  Her need to trust that I can handle what I am asking for; that I am not simply talking about it (since pre-communication requirements are larger than usual).

 

I don't know if I am still 'exploring it'.  Or if I ever was.  But it's still there in my psychic fingerprints.  And every few months or so I take it out of the box and take another stab and matching it to an experience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mistress Tran]

I found this to be an interesting thread. And I have scheduled a session with Mistress Fei as a result. I know that I will be punished in due course for being unfaithful to Mistress Tran. However, since I seem to get punished no matter what I do, this was a neutral factor in the decision-making process.

Yes- you will always get punished but thats due to you being you.    

 

I wanted to say 'Thank you' to MFei for starting a great discussion.  I think this whole forum exists as a tool to help understand our kinks, fetishes, and overall sexuality.  This forum is not only for those who have visited The Fortress but a stepping stone for those who are still dealing with their own repression.  Beyond BDSM, when you repress any aspect of your being, it will cause emotional discomfort on varying levels.  Unfortunately, that also leads to the questions of "Who am I?", "What am I repressing?", "Who am I at the core?", "How do I figure it out?".....self evaluation/understanding is a life long journey but luckily it doesn't have to be a lonely one.  Hopefully, for those who are just voyeurs on this forum and are still trying to understand themselves- this becomes a tool that helps in the process.  For those who participate and have visited The Fortress, I hope we (Mistresses) can continue to help you explore and understand your sexual being and vice versa.   

[Mistress Fei]

Yes- you will always get punished but thats due to you being you.    

 

I wanted to say 'Thank you' to MFei for starting a great discussion.  I think this whole forum exists as a tool to help understand our kinks, fetishes, and overall sexuality.  This forum is not only for those who have visited The Fortress but a stepping stone for those who are still dealing with their own repression.  Beyond BDSM, when you repress any aspect of your being, it will cause emotional discomfort on varying levels.  Unfortunately, that also leads to the questions of "Who am I?", "What am I repressing?", "Who am I at the core?", "How do I figure it out?".....self evaluation/understanding is a life long journey but luckily it doesn't have to be a lonely one.  Hopefully, for those who are just voyeurs on this forum and are still trying to understand themselves- this becomes a tool that helps in the process.  For those who participate and have visited The Fortress, I hope we (Mistresses) can continue to help you explore and understand your sexual being and vice versa.   

Well said, MTran. I'm proud that we Mistresses aren't just doling out punishments mindlessly. It's been an incredible experience being a part of a sisterhood that truly wants to investigate the human condition and understand each of our subs deepest, darkest desires... and not only that, but that we are ABLE to reach that profound place and analyze it due to both our own, and our subs' depth, awareness and openness.

 

Here's to continued investigation, probing (hehe), understanding, evolution, enlightenment and peace. It's a journey, and an enjoyable one through and through.

 

x MFei