loveinthetimeofcollaring

Hmm, there is much here that I don't understand but I wish to--how exactly does your ego wish for validation (a wish whose prerequisites are so self-evident that I think no validation is necessary...) pose problems in the split arena? What "becoming" are you going through? And, finally, how could anything compromise your dominance over others? Granted, I've had far less interaction with you than some, but I still feel inclined to say this: even at your most vulnerable--or whatever other emblematic state one would invoke to indicate a reversal of dominance--I can't imagine you as anything but dominant. Not to say that you can't be the full range of who you would be, but rather that (some types of) submission can be such that they hold up another regardless of the expected trappings of dominance. For me, personally, that's always been a core idea in submission--the supportive, loving submissive who wants to see the person they submit to get to express all their myriad sides without worry about their authority dissipating in any way.

There was a time when I was more familiar with the shadow--back during psych seminars--but much of the specifics have been lost. i'm grateful for the reminder though It's an apropos topic for me, as lately I've struggled with acknowledging/admitting that shadow in order to nullify the negative energy that comes with it. A (very small) example involves a bit of sibling rivalry with my sister, but I digress... Even though I'm relatively in the closet when it comes to my BDSM leanings, I don't view it as part of my shadow. If anything it is very much something I want to (and do) face on a regular basis and, as silly as it sounds, it makes me feel really really really good to do so. More at peace, more confident, more... "me". I do regret not being able to share as much with people I care about, but that's a dilemma for another day. As far as embracing other "shadow" aspects... it's difficult for me to be honest with myself about this, but as much as I loath the social media actions of others that suggest they are needy, or want attention/acceptance, I can't help but feel I want those same things too and that some (maybe most, maybe all) of my aggression towards these people is something akin to envy. I'm happy with the weird intersection of ideas and thoughts that is 'me', but it's definitely not popular opinion.

Now I'm trying to imagine the original scene: blindfolded sub, Mistress Kang equipped with eager dildo, kindly inquiring: "Where's Dildo? Wheeeere's Dildo?" with the intonation of indicating a personified object. Then the answer given is almost like driving directions, the dildo finding its new home just moments later...

Sorry for the weird quoting format, wasn't sure how to put these two statements side-by-side. I don't disagree with the premise of the article, but I wasn't satisfied with the reasoning © for why ( was thought to be false. Surely some men have an above average social sensitivity and an EQ, and those men--few in number as they might be--would contribute the same benefit that women are providing, no? Vice-versa for women who have below average social sensitivity and low EQ. That quibble aside, I'm not surprised about the conclusion. In many a group project, it's often the men who are barking orders and charging forward without observing or listening. It can be... frustrating. Not to get on this topic again, but I wonder how much of that is tied into the codified gender roles. Do men ignore others because they're charging forward to "win" via some social imperative or is it more of a biological one?

Agreed about bringing dates/friends to that area in Battery Park. I have an old video of this actually, right before I left NY for a while, of standing on that pier with a very dear friend. For months after my departure I'd watch the video (not obsessively or anything...) just to hear the water and her laughter. This is fascinating. And I don't say that lightly--airports are such a source of anxiety for me. All those schedules and lines and cramped airplane seats.... oof. But I like your POV, the idea of a gypsy soul on an adventure, and I hope I can learn something from it. Ideally by tomorrow, during my 11 hour trip home

Are you sure you aren't Bojack Horseman?

Just look for the scrabbling horde of subs desperately in line to interview!

Yeah, I think you're right. Though in another world, just imagine...

Is it fair to say all (or most) of those movies you listed are in the "dark foreign psychological thrillers with a strong female lead" category? I saw that list and immediately thought about how inferior my movie knowledge is compared to yours

What are some examples of movies on netflix in the "dark foreign psychological thrillers with a strong female lead" category? I'd look up my most watched category, but I have an unsettling feeling that it would just say: "Haven't you rewatched Mad Men enough? Maybe you should try something else" And I'm definitely going to need examples of the 90s pop songs too. Awhile back when I went home to my Mom's place, I found some old cassettes that were just chocked full of 90s goodness: Life In Mono, Lovefool, Torn, and pretty much the entire Pinkerton album. I don't miss the days of analog media.

Oh god, let's hope not. I do always try to wear my nicest socks and undies when going to the Fortress though. Also, rewatching this to catch your quote made me think I preferred the woman's look in the commercial before she puts on makeup/does her hair--much sweeter looking. Though that's the point I guess, and I'm probably just projecting my need for some TLC after a helllllllish first two weeks into 2015

Now I have to figure out whether to laugh or swoon or just be envious :] On a sort-of-related note, I wonder how these ads--or even the concept of female domination--would go over in, say, the Middle East. Where there's repression there's usually kink, but with the ME I just can't see it...

Oh plenty of stuff! I don't have as much free time, but I still geek out over good scifi or fantasy, still sift through new anime coming out each season to see if any of it looks good, and am still trying to get people together for a D&D game. I'm definitely a TV geek these days too, running off to Onion AV Club or What's Alan Watching after a show airs to start analyzing it (gonna be sad when Mad Men ends this year). And a bit of a food/drink geek as well, with an embarrassing love for things like obscure cocktails. Not sure if these really count as geeky though

Well, I'm definitely not a unique geek: my childhood was all fantasy and SciFi and anime and D&D. But the way it manifests itself most now is an appreciation of the detailed and fastidious. I myself am not so detailed (nor fastidious) but I love seeing the care and work out into things such that they're treated more like ritual than route. Specifically on the geeky side, that might mean fawning over hand drawn anime or the language of a book. It also means that, if left to my own speaking devices, I can be one insufferably boring cunt.

Maybe it comes down to the preferred atmosphere of a session? For example, I've got my geeky side for sure but I tend to prefer a session with a more severe or sensual air to it

Hmmm, have you ever participated in a session before? That may alter the advice... As for a first time Fortress visit, make sure you follow the instructions you received and then just follow usual guidelines: be open in mind and communication. You'll have a wonderful time if you do that

Ahahahah this is amazing. For a moment I thought the Dungeon Mistress was Katee Sackhoff and I almost lost it. Are we allowed a "disarm traps" roll at the Fortress?

This is a biggie of a question. Warning, this is a bit long: I alluded to this person on another thread, but way back when in high school I fell hard for a girl who I'll call J. I used to say to myself, "I would burn the world down for this woman" and in many ways that very thought terrified me because I knew that if that's what she wanted me to do, then that's what I'd do (or at least attempt to do). For me it started in a mental realm, but really that was just fertile ground for the seeds of something more to grow. We met at the age of 15, right as AOL was booming in popularity and IM chats were becoming ubiquitous in teen conversation. Nearly every night we would chat for hours--seriously, off and on from 7 or 8pm until 3 or 4 in the morning. Sometimes we'd just watch a TV show together, real time commenting over IM and (later) phone. Most of the time though we'd wander into some discussion or another, whether it was based on a book or on aspects of ourselves. In many ways it was regular teen philosophizing but she had a way of probing into areas of myself that I was either not acknowledging or outright trying to hide. Back then I'd yet to really meet anyone who was in their own head as much as I was and, to me, it was a revelation. On top of that though, she was insanely confident and--at the time--I couldn't even imagine rallying up a sliver of that confidence. I became seduced by the idea of a woman who was so much further along in the existence I was living, and I wanted to drink it all in and close the gap I felt was between us. On her side, she was adamant that I didn't fully understand her or how messed up/damaged she was. Of course I insisted otherwise. We went back and forth like this for nearly a decade and a good number of the choices I made during that time were to try to bring myself to a point where I'd understand her (which often meant 'damaging' myself in a similar way to how she claimed to be damaged). But no matter how much I tried, she was always just out of reach. For awhile I thought maybe that was the definition of paradise--to have something you will forever want and forever be able to strive for but never able to achieve. No disappointment, no wake up call, no hangover. Just questing, lusting, wanting, forever and ever. It wasn't until I'd moved overseas and was truly alone alone for the first time in my life that things began to change. It didn't help that my move coincided with a fight between me and J. Anyway, there I was in a strange country with no friends or family or usual comforts of home and for 6 months I just seethed with a feeling of existential abandonment. I still remember walking along the barren coastline of this tiny fishing village in the bitter cold, so angry but without anywhere to really direct that anger to. And then, with no logic or reason, the feeling went away. I'd pushed past it. Being alone became like listening to a favorite song and I started to greedily cherish the time. It was around then (and the months to follow) that I realized that while I kept viewing J as this ideal for me to reach, I was just as sick of the feeling like I was on a treadmill that was going too fast for me. So I got off. We got over our fight and continued to be very close friends. I wavered with my feelings towards her for a long time, but my life kept moving forward and when, years later, she'd confess that she loved me, but it was simply too late. But I've still made a number of "bad choices" that echo back to my desire to feel closer to who she was as a person. I probably always will. I saw her again a month ago for the first time in two years and I finally shared with her my D/s / BDSM interests. It was nice, after 17 years, to at last open up like that to her but I was shocked at how surprised she was--she thought, if anything, I'd be the one who wanted to do the dominating. Given how translucent I always felt around her, it was oddly comforting to find she couldn't necessarily see through me after all.

Maybe, though I feel like that "practicing until reaching perfection" thing is also a very Japanese ideal too (e.g. the sushi chef, Jiro). What I can see regarding asymmetry is a love of nature and balance, and very often nature is asymmetrical. Bonsai and zen gardens are just two examples of art-in-nature, and both exhibit lots of beautiful asymmetry... though only bonsai reminds me of my failed attempt to keep a bonsai tree

Well, I *AM* a person of dubious moral fiber...

Secrets. Telling people one thing, but doing another. It doesn't necessarily have to be a "naughty" secret--even just something benign like playing hooky from work while instead spending the afternoon at a restaurant bar, writing or reading or whatever. It's not particularly quirky but I love the feeling of being 'off the grid' in some regard, that a few hours of my time is accounted for in different people's minds differently, yet the truth exists only in my mind (and, to an extent the mind's of anyone who has seen me or who I've told).

I have three, but there are some significant similarities between them: The walking path near the Verrazano Bridge in Brooklyn, leading up towards Manhattan. Battery Park (more specifically Rockefeller Park, near Chambers St, the one with the 'temple' and the sculptures) A coastal path along the Japan Sea in the town of Kasumi (Google Maps link since this is a lesser known one) All three are walking paths along the water, and I've either lived or spent significant time near each one (growing up, high school, post-college, respectively). There's something about coming to a large, open body of water (so not a lake, river, etc) that makes me feel renewed and almost absolved. I've even cast off physical objects into these oceans as a sort of ritual of release, and while I shouldn't have been polluting the water, at the time I honestly had no other way to unmoor myself from the things I was struggling with. Whenever I feel really stuck or frustrated, I know it's because I need to visit the water again and make my peace.

The voices I'm drawn towards have a kind of depth to them, a weight and consideration given to the words that just makes the voice feel... thicker. Like whole milk vs. skim, perhaps. Even the timing and rhythm is specific with these kinds of voices, as if the speaker is deliberating holding onto certain words, swishing them around in their mouth, and then purring them out. Often this is with deeper or throatier voices, but the first time I ever noticed this effect was when I was 15 and met a girl who went on to become a close friend (and who I was head over heels for for a long, long time) and who had a higher-pitched voice than most. Saccharine, even. But the way she'd repeat back a word or two to press an issue, or so earnestly state a truth about herself or an opinion about something... it still makes me nervous imagining it (even though I still see her on a semi-regular basis). So really it comes down to voices that are deliberate and confident, I suppose, ones that rarely give into the need to fill dead air or entertain people (things that I struggle with all the time).

I always love these 'Favorite' threads :] When it comes to the usual physical suspects--the sexy bits, you might call them--my favorite's got to be the butt. The shape, the sway, the way it can look in either tight jeans, a skirt, a thong, or a flowy dress, it's all comprises this mind-blowing aesthetic that, to me, has no equal. I also love that for different women of different body types (within reason), there's tons of opportunity to look stunning, confident, and poised. Lastly, I find nothing quite as psychologically provocative as a submissive male's face pressed against a dominant woman's ass. Speaking more generally, I find myself drawn to a woman's voice. Not to get too poetic about it, but there's an entire secret world in the spoken word: layers and layers of meaning and emotion tucked away in intonation, pitch, pause, and turn of phrase. The right voice is like a virus that gets inside my brain and just melts me from within, leaving me obsessed and wanting more.