What does pressure reveal in you?

[Mistress Lovely]

True character is what holds up under fire, isn’t it?

Under pressure, some people get more rigid. Some become honest. Some get more defiant. Some yield. 
 

I’d love to hear from some of you exploratory masochists. What have you discovered about your strengths and desires during extreme scenes? I’m interested in the moments that surprised you. 

 

[BestSub]

Good question 

[risotto]

I saw this question yesterday and have been thinking about it, because I found it interesting.  For me, I've learned a few things, but not a lot of deep insights.  I've learned just how novelty-seeking I am, which turns out to be a lot, like really a lot.  I've learned that my only real fetish is power exchange.  I've always thought of myself as good in a crisis and my scenes have reinforced that opinion.  I've never freaked out (though I've safeworded out exactly twice), I've never said no to anything, (maybe once, but I think she was joking and she didn't make it a command), I always stay (relatively) calm, just a bit nervous, always, which is good,  and I've been frightened only once.  

[theDumbMule]

I’ve been thinking about this question a couple of says now.  It’s an interesting question because I don’t view sessions as a source of pressure.  Even the more intense ones.  For me they’re a place I can let go and just go with it.

 I have safe worded more as I’ve gotten older and things reach my limits quicker than they used to.  But even then I wouldn’t describe my feelings as as pressure as I’m putting myself in the hands of someone I trust.  When I don’t have to do the thinking I find the pressure leaves.

I don’t even worry about letting the mistress down.  If…I mean when that happens I trust that she knows how to handle the situation.  It’s very liberating.

[Mummifiedslut]

On 12/21/2025 at 2:41 PM, Mistress Lovely said:

True character is what holds up under fire, isn’t it?

Under pressure, some people get more rigid. Some become honest. Some get more defiant. Some yield. 
 

I’d love to hear from some of you exploratory masochists. What have you discovered about your strengths and desires during extreme scenes? I’m interested in the moments that surprised you. 

 

I've found that I'm more into psychological torture as opposed to physical pain. The idea of being strapped down to the point you can't move a single inch and left abandoned for hours only feeling whatever devices were left for you. To be ignored and used as a doormat. It causes me to panic to the point of acceptance which is a thrill I found to enjoy the most. It just feels better than having an immense shock from a violet wand 

[AioriaRegulus]

I’ve found out recently that the strongest of my desires in a successful extreme scene (which I define as no safe words needing to be used) is to please my mistress. That desire to please naturally creates (what i assume to be) endorphins, which creates the nexus between pain and pleasure.

[Lights]

On 12/21/2025 at 2:41 PM, Mistress Lovely said:

True character is what holds up under fire, isn’t it?

Under pressure, some people get more rigid. Some become honest. Some get more defiant. Some yield. 
 

I’d love to hear from some of you exploratory masochists. What have you discovered about your strengths and desires during extreme scenes? I’m interested in the moments that surprised you. 

 

Just how much I can really take.. even without practice for a while. One time getting fisted when I hadn’t even touched down there.. with just the right help, of course. The mind is a powerful thing. 

[Mistress Lovely]

On 12/22/2025 at 5:32 PM, risotto said:

I saw this question yesterday and have been thinking about it, because I found it interesting.  For me, I've learned a few things, but not a lot of deep insights.  I've learned just how novelty-seeking I am, which turns out to be a lot, like really a lot.  I've learned that my only real fetish is power exchange.  I've always thought of myself as good in a crisis and my scenes have reinforced that opinion.  I've never freaked out (though I've safeworded out exactly twice), I've never said no to anything, (maybe once, but I think she was joking and she didn't make it a command), I always stay (relatively) calm, just a bit nervous, always, which is good,  and I've been frightened only once.  

Now you’ve got me wondering. How did the discovery process about power exchange unfold for you? Was it a gradual realization, or tied to a specific moment? 

[Mistress Lovely]

On 12/22/2025 at 7:47 PM, theDumbMule said:

I’ve been thinking about this question a couple of says now.  It’s an interesting question because I don’t view sessions as a source of pressure.  Even the more intense ones.  For me they’re a place I can let go and just go with it.

 I have safe worded more as I’ve gotten older and things reach my limits quicker than they used to.  But even then I wouldn’t describe my feelings as as pressure as I’m putting myself in the hands of someone I trust.  When I don’t have to do the thinking I find the pressure leaves.

I don’t even worry about letting the mistress down.  If…I mean when that happens I trust that she knows how to handle the situation.  It’s very liberating.

Rare skill you’ve cultivated. What cues from a dom let you drop into that state the quickest? 

[Mistress Lovely]

On 12/23/2025 at 4:39 PM, AioriaRegulus said:

I’ve found out recently that the strongest of my desires in a successful extreme scene (which I define as no safe words needing to be used) is to please my mistress. That desire to please naturally creates (what i assume to be) endorphins, which creates the nexus between pain and pleasure.

Your desire to please is noted. 

Do you endure for the sake of a personal goal, or for the delight of your mistress alone? 

[AioriaRegulus]

This may sound hokey but I think the personal goal is my mistress’s delight. The pleasure of my mistress is intrinsically pleasure for me.

And I wouldn’t actually characterize it as “enduring”. It’s more like “savoring”… specifically my mistress’s pleasure which is wrought from the extreme scene. And it is this desire for this confluence of seemingly contradictory things that is such surprise and something I haven’t previously known about myself… 

[AioriaRegulus]

4 hours ago, Mistress Lovely said:

Your desire to please is noted. 

Do you endure for the sake of a personal goal, or for the delight of your mistress alone? 

This may sound hokey but I think the personal goal is my mistress’s delight. The pleasure of my mistress is intrinsically pleasure for me.

And I wouldn’t actually characterize it as “enduring”. It’s more like “savoring”… specifically my mistress’s pleasure which is wrought from the extreme scene. And it is this desire for this confluence of seemingly contradictory things that is such surprise and something I haven’t previously known about myself… 

[Mistress Lovely]

14 minutes ago, AioriaRegulus said:

 

This may sound hokey but I think the personal goal is my mistress’s delight. The pleasure of my mistress is intrinsically pleasure for me.

And I wouldn’t actually characterize it as “enduring”. It’s more like “savoring”… specifically my mistress’s pleasure which is wrought from the extreme scene. And it is this desire for this confluence of seemingly contradictory things that is such surprise and something I haven’t previously known about myself… 

Say your mistress derives great pleasure from your surrender to pain so intense that you must use your safeword…
 

Would that be failure or success? 

[AioriaRegulus]

2 hours ago, Mistress Lovely said:

Say your mistress derives great pleasure from your surrender to pain so intense that you must use your safeword…
 

Would that be failure or success? 

I think it would be failure as that would mean there was such a misalignment in the line of communication between my mistress and me so as to the scene has to be artificially adjusted.
 

With that said, I don’t view failure as a bad thing. Like other forms of expression and art, the domme/sub dynamic gets better with repeated engagements (the adage of “practice makes progress”). It gets better like wine… I as a sub will better understand what in-scene cues (hopefully unspoken as I would be heavily gagged by then…) to use that would resonate best with my mistress as well as her boundaries and desires, which will enable me to be the best sub for her pleasure. At the same time my mistress gains a better understanding of my boundaries and when/how/if to push them to maximize pleasure for both of us.

With time and repeated engagements, trust and understanding should build between both leading to what I think is the inevitable “successful” scenes where no safe word need be used.

[Mistress Lovely]

3 hours ago, AioriaRegulus said:

I think it would be failure as that would mean there was such a misalignment in the line of communication between my mistress and me so as to the scene has to be artificially adjusted.
 

With that said, I don’t view failure as a bad thing. Like other forms of expression and art, the domme/sub dynamic gets better with repeated engagements (the adage of “practice makes progress”). It gets better like wine… I as a sub will better understand what in-scene cues (hopefully unspoken as I would be heavily gagged by then…) to use that would resonate best with my mistress as well as her boundaries and desires, which will enable me to be the best sub for her pleasure. At the same time my mistress gains a better understanding of my boundaries and when/how/if to push them to maximize pleasure for both of us.

With time and repeated engagements, trust and understanding should build between both leading to what I think is the inevitable “successful” scenes where no safe word need be used.

What if she wants to see your breaking point? Maybe pushing you to the limit is the scene.

Too far for your preference? 

Edited December 27, 2025 by Mistress Lovely

[theDumbMule]

11 hours ago, Mistress Lovely said:

Rare skill you’ve cultivated. What cues from a dom let you drop into that state the quickest? 

This question is a bit easier to answer but involves a couple of variables.  Bondage puts me in that state almost immediately because I then have no say in the matter so it’s easy to just let go.  That works even when it’s my first session with a domme.

But having a domme right at the the beginning of a session telling me who I belong to, what to do, and what I am doing wrong puts me in a compliant state quickly where I just let go.

Having someone I’ve sessioned with multiple times who knows how to manipulate me puts me in that place almost before the session starts as I already feel in that safe but vulnerable state just knowing she already has control over me.

Really this gets to the heart of why I session to begin with.  I love the total loss of control, being vulnerable, yet feeling completely safe.  It becomes a ride for me where I can just let go.

[AioriaRegulus]

11 hours ago, Mistress Lovely said:

What if she wants to see your breaking point? Maybe pushing you to the limit is the scene.

Too far for your preference? 

That absolutely works for me as that is a natural exploration of limits and boundaries. I actually love those types of scenes because it can expand my boundaries and limits, showing me things about myself I wasn't aware of before… that and there’s just simply a thrill to the anticipation of what my mistress has in mind, and wondering how much pleasure I can provide her as she pushes me to my limits.

[AioriaRegulus]

12 hours ago, Mistress Lovely said:

What if she wants to see your breaking point? Maybe pushing you to the limit is the scene.

Too far for your preference? 

With my previous response said, it would likely need to be worked up to such a fun scene, as I feel there needs to be trust and mutual understanding that can only be built up from previous sessions.

But these types of extreme scenes of natural exploration are frankly what I’ve come to understand that I yearn for… which brings me back to why this is so surprising to me…

[risotto]

On 12/26/2025 at 11:48 AM, Mistress Lovely said:

Now you’ve got me wondering. How did the discovery process about power exchange unfold for you? Was it a gradual realization, or tied to a specific moment? 

Gradually.  I only started really exploring kink about ten years ago, but there had always been fantasies there.  So, I kept trying things and kind of checking off possibilities.  Foot fetish? No - I kind of like feet, but don't love them.  Tickling? Not really ticklish.  Feminization/sissy: No, does nothing for me, though it can be kind of funny, so fine to have a bit of that.  Pain? No. I like some pain from a sensation point of view, and I like the drained feeling after when it's more intense,  but it's the power exchange part/submission part I find really exciting.  I like inflicting pain too, again largely as power exchange - I'm neither a real masochist, nor a real sadist.  I found that I don't enjoy sessions that are totally pain-focused; it never converts directly into pleasure for me.  Bondage?  Kind of.  Bondage had always been part of my fantasies and I love bondage.  But again, a large part of that is the power exchange - have to submit to it.  I do also like the feel of bondage; I find it comforting, like the comfort a swaddled baby feels.  But I just did a session with M. Dalisay and M. Matira, which I described on the private board, and there was no bondage in it and I didn't even really notice that until it was over.  And it was a great session.  Verbal abuse?  Not really.  SPH does nothing for me, nor any of the "loser" stuff, but it doesn't bother me either.  I like some verbal abuse in the context of role play and I do enjoy a good threat or bullying, but again, that's power exchange.  Body worship? No.  I like being "forced" to, say, worship feet in a session, because that's part of the power exchange.  But it's not a reward for me.  I don't worship a Mistress, I obey her.  I'm not sure I could refer to a Mistress as "goddess" and keep a straight face.  Though a role play where the Mistress is a literal goddess sounds like a fun idea.  I've tried things I don't expect to like and have liked them, but none of the have to be in a session for me to have a good time and again, it's pretty much the power exchange, or the sensory experience parts I enjoy.  Objectification? Sort of.  I really enjoy objectification, but I think of it as an extreme form of power exchange.  If I'm just an object, I have no will, no volition and 100% of the power rests with the Mistress.

I know that my lack of specific fetishes has left some Mistresses frustrated.  On the other hand, the fact that I like so many things means that I enjoy a whole lot of different kinds of sessions, so typically a Mistress doesn't really need to "get" me for me to have a good time.

[Mistress Lovely]

1 hour ago, risotto said:

Gradually.  I only started really exploring kink about ten years ago, but there had always been fantasies there.  So, I kept trying things and kind of checking off possibilities.  Foot fetish? No - I kind of like feet, but don't love them.  Tickling? Not really ticklish.  Feminization/sissy: No, does nothing for me, though it can be kind of funny, so fine to have a bit of that.  Pain? No. I like some pain from a sensation point of view, and I like the drained feeling after when it's more intense,  but it's the power exchange part/submission part I find really exciting.  I like inflicting pain too, again largely as power exchange - I'm neither a real masochist, nor a real sadist.  I found that I don't enjoy sessions that are totally pain-focused; it never converts directly into pleasure for me.  Bondage?  Kind of.  Bondage had always been part of my fantasies and I love bondage.  But again, a large part of that is the power exchange - have to submit to it.  I do also like the feel of bondage; I find it comforting, like the comfort a swaddled baby feels.  But I just did a session with M. Dalisay and M. Matira, which I described on the private board, and there was no bondage in it and I didn't even really notice that until it was over.  And it was a great session.  Verbal abuse?  Not really.  SPH does nothing for me, nor any of the "loser" stuff, but it doesn't bother me either.  I like some verbal abuse in the context of role play and I do enjoy a good threat or bullying, but again, that's power exchange.  Body worship? No.  I like being "forced" to, say, worship feet in a session, because that's part of the power exchange.  But it's not a reward for me.  I don't worship a Mistress, I obey her.  I'm not sure I could refer to a Mistress as "goddess" and keep a straight face.  Though a role play where the Mistress is a literal goddess sounds like a fun idea.  I've tried things I don't expect to like and have liked them, but none of the have to be in a session for me to have a good time and again, it's pretty much the power exchange, or the sensory experience parts I enjoy.  Objectification? Sort of.  I really enjoy objectification, but I think of it as an extreme form of power exchange.  If I'm just an object, I have no will, no volition and 100% of the power rests with the Mistress.

I know that my lack of specific fetishes has left some Mistresses frustrated.  On the other hand, the fact that I like so many things means that I enjoy a whole lot of different kinds of sessions, so typically a Mistress doesn't really need to "get" me for me to have a good time.

Malleability is an underrated virtue.