questionmarks

I actually saw someone the other day doing the one in the middle of the lower line! I should've given him the instructions.

I just saw this music video and couldn't help but think of this thread. (I'm not sure how to embed videos on here, so I'll try two links in the hopes that one of them works.) <iframe width="677" height="404" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/O8yix8PZKlw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

The nine rasas are: erotics, humor, fury, heroics, wonder, terror, disgust, compassion, and peace. According to the most widely held theory, a great work of storytelling evokes every one of these, but, throughout the composition/performance and, most importantly, in the end, leads the audience to an experience of one predominant "rasa," which literally means taste or juice. As for sex and fear, the Sanskrit literary theorists completely agree with you. Although in some ways they might have been on the side of the advertisers!

These are hilariously spot on. They just need to change [Mistress] Fei's tan skin to fair and they've got it And wait, did you write the second definition of Kang, Mistress Kang? That's just too crazy perfect. The first one is perfect, too, there is obviously only one of you. Also, Wall-E is one of the words related to Eva. For some reason I really love that. As for 'Koi': "A word used to describe the extent/intensity of awesome-ness that something holds." So Mistress Eva Koi holds awesomeness to the Eva extent? Yeah, that sounds about right.

I respectfully disagree, purgatorio! I so like the Fortress because it's safe and private, and the ladies know what they're doing—and are killer. The moment I met Mistress Koi the first thing I felt was trust, and that's been the most lasting impression from that first session. As comfortable and happy as I feel about my kinks, I'm also still discovering my desires and limits, and in any case it's none of anyone's business unless I choose to share it with them, so to me it's a great gift to be able to explore and play safely and privately, yet without having to feel isolated. Hence, the Fortress

This is one of my favorite questions of yours so far, Mistress Fei! This will be a long response, but as usual you asked for it!! Side note: I am sad that I never really studied Jung (I thought I'd study psychology in college, but I found the classes so hopelessly boring, and so frustratingly behaviorism-based), but now I can get little lessons like this from you, so it all worked out Although I didn't know Jung's theory, I'd say I have made it a pretty high priority to incorporate the shadow into my conscious life and identity. And yes, I'd say it's made me more cohesive and sane, even as it's allowed me to delve deeper into the manifoldness of my self(ves). I noticed years ago that I'm skilled at rationalizing prejudicial preferences. So I'd react with jealousy and resentment when meeting someone who was respected by someone whose respect I wanted. Very competitive of me, but I'd usually come up with a convincing rationalization. I started to notice this, and I made a serious effort to approach new people, things, music, etc., with an open mind and heart. Now I prefer to at least try to consider what might make a person—or anything—worthy of respect, kindness, or at least some sort of interest. So when I catch myself reacting quickly and negatively, I try to own that reaction and look into it. The flavor and intensity of the reaction is often a helpful guide. Sometimes people and I just don't click; some music just isn't for me; and so on. But when the reaction is swift and intense and accompanied by an insistent rationalization, I find there's often more to the story, and I try to hone in on that and own it. I've found this a very rewarding process. It makes me much more playful with my tastes. As for BDSM: I'm trying to learn a balance between two poles that often co-exist in us: the expectation that everyone else is like us, and that no one else is like us. BDSM has been helping me with this, and I think this is part-and-parcel of my process of incorporating the shadow. Before I taught myself to accept my BDSM desires as an integral aspect of my life and personality, I thought I was broken and alone. I thought I'd "get over" my kinky desires when I "integrated" my sexuality—I didn't yet see that integration might entail welcoming and owning the desires. By the time I booked my first session at the Fortress, I had begun to feel safe and secure in these desires, and then Mistress Koi taught me that I "definitely have a sub side" and am "a bit of a masochist." Now, rather than broken and alone, I sort of feel like everyone must be like me. How is it possible that anyone could but adore being tied down and choked by Mistress Koi?? And what could possibly make anyone think there's anything dark or weird or wrong about that? Yet I also feel like I (and we on the forum) uniquely know something others haven't learned. A tricky balance indeed! So I'd say that I used to consider it part of my shadow: it felt secret. But now it feels like just part of my personality—now it feels private. Once I felt I'd have to confess in order to liberate myself from the secret; now I feel I can share it—or not—to whatever extent I wish. Now I can play. Small example from my work... I hope it makes some sense: In Sanskrit poetic theory, there are said to be nine overarching emotional states that a work of literature can evoke in the audience. The erotic, the fearful, the peaceful, the humorous, and so on. The other day we were reading a commentator who was trying to decide whether a particular poem evokes the fearful or the erotic. In short, he said that the verse focuses on fear (ominous clouds in the skies, dense, dark woods) but subtly leads us to the erotic (two attractive young people running through the secluded woods, the girl leading the slightly-more-afraid-boy...). Some people were reluctant to accept that the fearful and the erotic have anything to do with each other. At one point, we were puzzling over a bit of text, and someone's misreading of a line led someone else to jokingly mention dominatrixes. I immediately said: "That's how you get the fearful in the erotic!" Everyone had a big laugh and had to agree. Little did they know that I know from whence I speak

オオオオオオオ！

Ha! That's hilarious. I love furoshikis. They remind me of a lot of Japanese things: they're extremely practical, but using them properly entails attention, effort, and even mastery. I guess bondage is like that, too. It's practical to tie a sub down while you electrocute his balls, but to tie him down properly, and artfully, is not as simple as tying a knot. By the way these photos are super hot, Mistress Rey! Thanks for sharing! They make me want to brandish a paddle...

You've gotten pretty deep into my head, Mistress Koi! And I'm sure I'm one of many, so that means you're always in your favorite place

I love these answers. My favorite spot is in Battery Park, too. It's called South Cove. It's a beautiful boardwalk that spirals onto itself and disappears into the water—at low tide you can see most of the structure, and then at high tide the end of the walkway is submerged. The whole thing is lined by quite excellent landscape architecture and lanterns of the most perfect shade of blue. At night—especially on a very cold night if you're dressed very warmly—it's just a perfect precious place, solemn and fairly silent, right between land and water, between city and nature, and, hey, between art and architecture. I used to like bringing girls there on dates, especially because it takes a little effort to get to. It's nice to drag someone further than they thought they were prepared to go and then find themselves absolutely delighted once they've made it. (If only I felt that way after the electricity, Mistress Fei!) But aside from that, I find it very meditative. It puts me in a reflective mood and gives me good grist for the mill.

That's my favorite scene too! I felt so flushed the first time I saw it! And yeah, she's incredible in Dancer in the Dark. I haven't seen most of your list yet, which is exciting. I just re-subscribed to Netflix today so I can start to change that. But the ones I've seen I've liked or loved: Delicatessen, Cache, Badlands, A Clockwork Orange, DR9, Persona, Natural Born Killers, Wild At Heart, oh and Tie me up. There are a few on your list I've been meaning to see for a while, and a bunch I haven't heard of. Fun fun!

I feel the exact same way, plus I loooove Björk. I thought her score—and her pink outfit with fluffy pompoms—was awesome. In college a friend and I geekily downloaded the entire cycle and watched it all the way through. The bits I've seen in full high def are certainly stunning. But still. It's an impressive spectacle, and worth a little puzzling, but I found DR9 much more fully engaging. What're a few Almodovar favs? I've only seen Volvér, Broken Embraces, and All About My Mother so far (loved all three).

Great list. I'll have to seek out the ones I haven't seen yet. I just watched Tie me up! Tie me down! the other day and loved it. I really must just see all of his movies. And Drawing Restraint 9 makes your list??? You're just totally awesome, aren't you, Mistress Fei?

You're so adorbs and scary at the same time, Mistress Kang. It's really great. You told me I look like Elijah Wood the other day. I guess I'll have to give this show a shot.

Yeah, it sounds like you needed more of a challenge! Does the Fortress feel more engaging for you? I guess we're probably at least as easy for you to manipulate...

Why was this banned?? It's such a cheerful ad. Everyone wins! I like cooking...

Oh and I read hellogiggles.com.

You're right, Mistress Fei, I know what you mean! Sorry (°_°) I'm a contrarian by nature... How about... greasy chips, Wipeout, and pretending I have to go to the bathroom to get a little break from big groups (if only I were a smoker!).

I'm not sure this counts as quirk, but... I don't feel guilty about my pleasures

This would of course be easier if you asked for favorites! I love eyes, vulva, butts, legs, and all of a beautiful body's curves (partly why it's so fun to give massages--there are so many beautiful curves to explore and enjoy), but mouths are probably my favorite. Lips, teeth, and tongue, what more could one want? Kissing, biting and being bitten, swapping spit, licking... these are a few of my favorite things. I usually look people in the eyes when talking, but if I'm talking with a woman I find attractive, I inevitably find myself stealing glances at her lips, her smile, the way she holds her tongue in her teeth, and so on. Mm!

Ah, I can't wait to meet you in a few weeks, Mistress Fei! Any (late) Ozu film with a season in it (spring, summer, etc) is a good bet, and I highly recommend the later Floating Weeds film (he has an earlier silent one by the same title). Tokyo Story is his most famous.

My absolute favorite is Ingmar Bergman's Persona. The night after the first time I watched it I had the only nightmare I've had since I was nine years old! (To me, that's a reason to love it.) Bergman pushes his audience to interrogate notions of personality and identity, and the bonds and boundaries that can form between people and re-form who those people are and how they experience themselves and the worlds around them. Most interestingly, he simultaneously pushes the audience to consider the nature of film itself, and thus to re-consider what might actually be arbitrary distinctions between things that are "artificial" or "constructed," like a film, and things that are "real" or "whole," like a self or soul. I also love just about any Yasujiro Ozu film I've seen (especially from the latter half of his career) about as much as I love Persona. Even though they're very different, I love them both for somewhat similar reasons. Ozu's films, like Bergman's, are always formally interesting. He crafts shots with more care than any other director I know, and never lets a shot go to waste. He will compose a simple expositional shot of two characters walking from one location to another in such a way as to comment on their relationship, or the way that humans engage in the structures they create, or the curious parallels between human spaces and natural spaces, or the role of time in human life. His characters are archetypes and yet fiercely unique in their motivations, dreams, and anxieties, and so his films always show us, like Persona but in a very, very different way, the ways that we, too, are distinct and yet, at the same time, culturally-determined types. He depicts relationships with sensitivity and deep insight, so his films are always captivating.

My favorite film is Ingmar Bergman's Persona, which explores this sort of issue. A nurse and her mute patient (an actress who has suffered some kind of apparent mental break) are secluded, and the nurse, trying to rehabilitate the patient, starts to find her identity, her public self and the way she presents and perceives herself, being taken over and shaped by her encounter with her patient. (The first time I saw it I had the only nightmare I've had as an adult!) I'm not clear on the distinction between person and personality. Are we right to think there is some singular true person always there in every moment of our lives? What about the ways that the intersubjective contexts shape the personalities we adopt, the ways that we relate differently to different people and surroundings in different sitautions? I believe biology and upbringing both very powerfully shape the parameters of our personalities, but I am not convinced we each have a singular true self or person. I suspect it is more like a spectrum, different ranges of which we occupy in different moments of our days and lives. Some people can manipulate this more intentionally than others, and some people do so for any number of reasons, including many reasons that would strike me as healthy or compassionate or the like. Like Mistress Kang, I'm not totally sure what ittybitty's question is, but I find the concepts of person, persona, personality, and self really interesting and important.

Mistress Kang, I've no clue whether you'd care for it, but this little poem of yours made me think of this poem by Rumi, "Be Melting Snow" (trans. by Coleman Barks): Totally conscious, and apropos of nothing, you come to see me. Is someone here? I ask. The moon. The full moon is inside your house. My friends and I go running out into the street. I'm in here, comes a voice from the house, but we aren't listening. We're looking up at the sky. My pet nightingale sobs like a drunk in the garden. Ringdoves scatter with small cries, Where, Where. It's midnight. The whole neighborhood is up and out in the street thinking, The cat burglar has come back. The actual thief is there too, saying out loud, Yes, the cat burglar is somewhere in this crowd. No one pays attention. Lo, I am with you always means when you look for God, God is in the look of your eyes, in the thought of looking, nearer to you than your self, or things that have happened to you. There's no need to go outside. Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself. A white flower grows in quietness. Let your tongue become that flower.

Ooh, I've only just now noticed this post. I'm really happy to answer more of your questions, Mistress Fei You use the terms "truly" and "completely" in these questions, and that limits it some. The idea of feeling "completely connected" sometimes has a sense of dissolving into union, feeling "at one," or that sort of thing. I've felt that a couple of times in my life, but I find myself suspicious of the ways we're often inclined to interpret such an experience. My feeling of "connection, vulnerability and flow" when I came to the Fortress, on the other hand, felt (and feels in retrospect) much more exciting, intimate, beautiful, and, for lack of a better word, real, than those moments of "feeling at one." I've had experiences of varying levels of intimacy with friends and lovers. One experience that has long stuck with me was just a glance. I was in college at the time, and taking a class with my then-girlfriend. At some point halfway between the class, I turned to look at her, and she to me, and I felt what was up until then the most intense, captivating sense of presence and intimacy. We just looked into each other's eyes for that extended moment, and for that moment there seemed to be nothing but our shared glance. I wound up writing her a poem about it. (When I read it to her I said it was about a small moment, her eyes lit up, and she said, "I think I know the moment." (She did.)) The poem featured the phrase "looking inside each other's looking." That sort of captures it. Of course, it helped that she had marvelous green eyes. But I think we happened to look into each other's eyes at a moment when both of us were completely focused on our thoughts and feelings about one another, and we could see and feel that in seeing each other's looking. It's a rare experience. I came away from it - and from the "at one" feelings, too - with a kind of hunger to return, but a clear sense that I could not live in that space. That strikes me as just as important as how amazing it feels to be so connected with someone else. As for the Fortress: with Mistress Koi, I did not feel "at one," I felt at home, and the fact that the distinctions between me and mKoi, or between me and "the universe," did not dissolve, made the feeling of intimacy all the more intense. One way of describing why that hour was so intense, so striking, so memorable, is because I felt totally vulnerable and totally safe at the same time. I think that's why I was able to be so intensely present then. I was able to be exactly who I was in that moment, because I was safe to be totally vulnerable. Part of that safety was trusting mKoi, part of it was trusting the Fortress -- another part was trusting myself. Regarding what I just wrote about not being able to live in such a space, yet another aspect of the connection and presence I felt at the Fortress was the sense of spatial and temporal boundaries. I didn't keep track of the time, but I knew that the session would come to an end, and I'd go back out onto the street, and out to dinner with a close friend. I didn't think about that until I was walking back through the gate towards the elevator -- because I didn't have to. I knew that I was in a safe, private world, that I could tell others about, or keep entirely to myself, because it was just between me, mKoi, and the Fortress. That's not something I feel in almost anything else in my life, that sense of the experience, the relationship, being contained unto itself, and though, again, one couldn't live in such a space (or, at least, I couldn't), it's really liberating and exciting to be able to go there more or less at will. (When I'm back in NYC, at least!) So: Yes, the fact that at the Fortress I can book a chance for that contained space and time for connection and presence, for vulnerability and safety, is a big part of the reason why I'm coming back ASAP. Now, if I'm a little looser with "truly" and "completely," I can say that I actually felt very connected, present, and in flow just yesterday. I'm fortunate, I feel very connected to my work. (I'm a scholar, so my work mostly entails reading, thinking, and writing.) I often find myself "clicking" into a train of thought, whether I'm just pondering, problem-solving, writing, or something else. I also, like you, am a daydreamer. I've also got a vivid imagination, and for a long time now fantasy has been really important in my life, so sometimes my daydreams are fantasies, and increasingly my fantasies are Fortress-fantasies For me, daydreaming feels connected and present. My daydreams aren't idle - perhaps it's better to call them flights of fancy, or something. So yesterday as I was reading through this Sanskrit text I'm working on, at a certain point, when I reached an exciting new passage, I stood up and started pacing around my apartment, meditating on the passage, and meandering through ways of working with it. This is one sort of daydream I have. I'm not actually doing work, I'm sort of just going for a mental walk, but I love and need such moments. The most productive thing in such a moment is to just track my streams of consciousness, let associations arise and fall, and stay present and attentive enough to catch the good stuff, follow it, and eventually take a more active role in shaping it and thinking it through. Sometimes this doesn't wind up relating to work at all. In any case, like with dreams, one can be more or less attentive to one's daydreams. Even when it's not particularly tethered to my work or a particular thought or plan, or to my fantasies of returning to the Fortress and such, I often feel very with-myself when I'm daydreaming. It is, however, a very different sort of "connected" feeling than, say, the way I felt when I came to the Fortress. I hope that was sort of interesting, Mistress Fei! As I said in the Freud thread, I'm really looking forward to meeting you. Thanks for the new questions