ConsentOptional

Recently started dating someone who is switchy but sub-leaning. Sexy AF, funny AF, and with a voice that would melt glass. We are in the process of working out some ground rules. As far as who leads goes... she has multiple advanced degrees including a PhD on which the ink is still drying. She's effing brilliant on top of that, ie, not spouting from texts but synthesizing advanced learning with her own moxie and wisdom. Previously I've been either at least a little smarter than, funnier than, or more creative than everyone I have ever dated or married. I don't think I consciously sought it. But it's quite strange to be acutely aware that suddenly none of those are fully in my column. Topping her doesn't involve addressing the perceived imbalance. That would be shitty. But it's quite a toboggan ride. No brakes, not much steering, just stay on and try not to crash into the ski lodge.

I had a bit of a crisis early last year, quit sessioning, etc. Pulling out of it, I imposed a lot of discipline on myself, lost over 50lbs. But mostly cardio - running, cycling - and low-carb. A trim little slut now. On the one hand, I want to be seriously (wo)man-handled. Thrown against the wall, shackled to that big frame, gagged, something malevolent whispered in my ear about what a seriously bad idea it was to stay away. On the other hand, I want to sit quietly, with my ass now probably the color of my valentine-red stockings, and massage your feet and ask how you've been. (If you have removed my gag - it's ok if you haven't).

Love the psychology of it. The mind-games and mind-control, the vulnerability. I love the hierarchy shift too. You are at the bottom rung of the ladder as a sub. As a feminized sub you are a few rungs below that. At the same time I don't like anger/contempt based feminization scenes. They're depressing. What are we saying when we say that?

Still have lotsa meetings. I'm on cam from the neck up. Sometimes dress pretty tart-y from the waist down. Just have to remember not to stand up. Getting close to needing a haircut. What's the experience been with that?

You were a runner, no? I shouldn't run but I still do. Nothing can replace it, the psychology of it, the satisfaction of it - exceeds anything else. I could see where it would gateway to other emotions in dreams. I just rarely remember mine.

A few assisted living facilities in the neighborhood. 15 fatalities at one, 10 at another. Not people I knew, just sad though. With covid most people have to die alone with a stranger in a mask to be their last connection. It seems like the corner (at least the first corner, who knows what the autumn will bring..) has been turned. Parks open in NJ this weekend. I'm feeling a need for a certain kind of session. A restatement session.

Rough days here. Needed that. Thanks SW.

So sorry to hear that. So cruel for this to hit in spring when everyone wants to get out, take in the spring and fill their lungs with springtime.

The most vexing are runners and couples. A lot of runners seem to be thrilled by the prospect of piling up the miles during quarantine. But all that heavy breathing in confined spaces and narrow walkways is beyond selfish. I still run a little too, but I keep an eye down the street and manage my positioning so no one has to adjust to me to maintain a comfortable distance. Couples, especially younger ones, just can't seem to bear to be apart long enough to stop holding hands and single file so no one has to exit the pavement to get the recommended distance from them. As if the relationship won't survive the parting, or their sweet emotions will ward off the evil virus. There's a lot of piling on millennials, gen z, etc. these days. But those are the groups most responsible for the most obnoxious behavior I've seen. I've got a fair number of seniors in my neighborhood. I think if these folks realized they might kill one of them just by being their wonderful snowflake selves they might think twice. But they'll never know.

Babylon Berlin. I've seen seasons 1 & 2. Actually has a little BDSM subtext. Season 3 is out now.

Reminds me of a meme I saw. I love the "due to personal reasons" part.

Luckily there's not milk to drink, because that woulda made it come out my nose.

I've been told to work from home for the rest of the month. Since my webcam is mostly a headshot, I'm trying out some new red fishnets. Just have to remember not to stand up and walk around during conf calls like I do in the office.

Various things.

What'd you wear, ss?

I would take that deal in a heartbeat, Mistress.

I adore them. Ass fetish paradise. Also probably the most misnamed article of clothing in the universe. Worn to deliver rather than receive a good butt-scaping. Here's one Oh, CO, did I forget to tell you? I can't seem to find your chastity keys. Do you like this dress though, little butt slut....?

Yeah. I've always felt almost absurdly slutty. But it's morphed in time toward wanting to be a good sub and to hear those words from just one person. I was amazed (perhaps should not have been) when I took that online bdsm aptitude test and scored like 98% slave. And wondered if you can be that much of a tart and still be a slave. Would a true Owner want to have to put up with that? But I suppose there are ways to teach one to be a proper and devoted slut.....

hehehe... that's a keeper.

If She has a name, that's Her name. I'm gonna get slapped soon enough as it is. No need for me to go looking for a reason. But my default is Goddess. That aspect of Her is what likely drew me in the 1st place. But, it might be something I keep to myself in the long run. I get what you're saying about saying Mistress. But it's speculation for me. I've not gotten there. I do watch your evolution with interest though, FK. We've got some similar, um, wisfusion.

I love that clarity about the fork in the road. One path to make You proud, the other with guaranteed consequences. The clarity is worth a lot, even if we stumble and take the wrong fork.

To me (and maybe only me...) the fork in the road is sissification and sluttification. Both pursue an idealized exaggeration. The sissy, a notion of a woman who typically belongs to a bygone era. Feminine, deferring, proper, tasteful - even when dressed for a coquettish adventure. The slut, a wanton whore, unable to conceal or contain a consuming desire to be used. A débauché. They aren't mutually exclusive, but tend that way. The true sissy would look askance at the true slut. The biggest difference to me (and maybe only me...) the sissy renounces masculinity. (At least for an hour.) He is the ever-so-willing co-conspirator in his feminized re-making. The slut renounces, or will lose in any event, his dignity. Willing, unwilling, doesn't matter. His masculinity is his problem, not yours. It is now irrelevant. He will answer to 'whore' 'bitch' and worse and learn that from now on yours is the only cock that matters, and that is where most of his lipstick will end up. You'd lock a sissy in chastity because he doesn't need "one of those things." You'd lock a slut in chastity to drive him insane. I'm a slut. But I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a submissive. Reconciling the two has been complicated. At least for me...

Videos are fun. But your ass is not a video. Unless you have somehow explored what you can take, don't assume you can handle more than you can because you stayed hard watching a video of same. For God's sake don't do half hour sessions. Don't even do one hour sessions if you can afford it. Do you go to your favorite restaurant for a half hour? Give your Partner room in the form of time. It will be a more organic experience without that time pressure. It's better to save your coppers for a 2 hour session than to have 2 one hour sessions. Be as clean as humanly possible. Shower, brush teeth as close to the session as a possible. Treat it as a date with someone you have no earthly right to ask out on a date. Don't fuck this up. Especially don't fuck it up with the eminently avoidable and fixable problem of poor hygiene. And don't wear cologne. If She wants you to smell pretty, She'll take care of that for you. Princess.... Learn to massage a woman's feet. It's a great way to take things down a notch without disturbing the dynamic of a Mistress and Her sub. If things are taking a turn you're not sure of or you'd like to go in a different direction or just want to pause and reset, chatting over a foot massage is a good and respectful way to get there. I've done foot massages in sessions that began with an abduction at knife point. In any event, if you want Someone to wear those shoes you ought to learn to massage those feet. Don't wreck the session for yourself by holding it to an absurd standard of cathartic discovery. Instead see yourself at the lower 3rd of a mountain that rises steeply from where you are into a deep fog bank that makes the actual height of the mountain impossible to gauge. You'll never see more than a few meters forward at a time. But you got this far. A lot of people never do. They can't even admit they're climbing a mountain despite all the evidence to the contrary. Keep climbing. You will lose people in the fog behind you. But there are more interesting people you've never met on the other side of the fog up ahead. There's an E. L. Doctorow quote about writing that I like in this context. "It's like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way." Think of a session as the scope of your headlights at a given time. It will make the other decisions you need to make easier to grasp.

Write more. Read better. More theatre, less "drama". (Saw Judgment Day last night. Just plain brilliant.) Be there for the ones I love. The rest can take a number. Career exit strategy. Lose last 15 lbs. Lost 35 last year. Let go of bullshit. Hear the words "shut the fuck up, little bitch" softly spoken while my gag is being tightened by Someone who knows it's as important as a cheese sandwich. Do my little part to get rid of orange caligula.