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Mistakes Were Made


Mistress Kang

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The only one who ever loved me got sick and instead of taking care of her retreated into my shell. She knew I wasn't happy with the relationship or where we moved to. She helped me to move out without one negative word. Her kindness made me feel ashamed. She had my best interests at heart even though she was deeply hurt. I try not to live with regret but I regret what I did more than anything. Instead of leadership I was a coward.

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12 hours ago, Mistress Kang said:

Haha how old were you? Btw, car sex and really any "location" sex is fun ?

I wasn't quite 18 and we hadn't "done it" with each other yet. Yes, cops with flashlights were a real risk, but believe me that danger doesn't even register on a teenaged boy with a hardon.  This eclipsed the time a year earlier when another GF asked if she was getting fat and I said "It's just more of you to love"  Experience comes with a long line of mistakes

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10 hours ago, job1617 said:

The only one who ever loved me got sick and instead of taking care of her retreated into my shell. She knew I wasn't happy with the relationship or where we moved to. She helped me to move out without one negative word. Her kindness made me feel ashamed. She had my best interests at heart even though she was deeply hurt. I try not to live with regret but I regret what I did more than anything. Instead of leadership I was a coward.

Sounds like you learned from this. Offer the same kindness to someone else when presented with the opportunity.

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21 hours ago, kevybaby said:

Being a bitch with girls tbh. It's a miracle I've been with anyone when I think about because not only do I never dare speak to girls, but on the rare occasion that attractive girls that I think are cute hit on ME, I fucking shut it down I'm dumb honestly is what it is. 

Clearest example I can think of is one time I was doing planks at the gym and this cute girl came over smiling so hard at me and was like "can I use your timer too" on my phone (I was using it for planks) and I was like yeah sure and she literally just kept smiling the entire time at me. Anyway I did a few sets of planks and then I was like okay I'm gonna stretch now because I was done with planks and then her smile went away and she looked confused and a guy I knew from high school worked at the gym and he came over after and quelled any suspicions I had that it was all in my head. He was like "do you know that girl" and I was like "who the girl using my timer" and he was like "yeah she was down to fuck you dude. I would have." I was like "oh wow." Now I'm not autistic and what I think it was is that I'm either such a bitch that I couldn't even make the slightest, easier move with that girl... straight could have just asked her if she wanted to fuck. Or that I could care less about fucking which is honestly worse. 

And this has happened over and over in my life and there have been cute girls that I honestly find intimidatingly hot smiling at me when buying a book at my school's bookstore and I didn't do shit, for example. A Tinder date where she was constantly laughing and touching me and shit and then at the end I was "okay have a good one" and she for sure thought I was autistic. My first time making out with a girl could so easily also have been my first time having sex if I made a fucking move. My first time having sex with a girl was also an absolute miracle, we were getting coffee and I guess she liked me enough that when I asked "want to have sex after this" she was like "ok." But that was obviously a mistake too and I only was able to have sex in spite of how fucking moronic I am. Can't believe "want to go have sex worked." Jesus christ. Maybe I am autistic. Haven't actually been thinking much about this recently until I saw this question here and now I can remember how dumb I am with girls or how little I care about it or maybe the combination of both, so that's good.

 

Tl;dr: autistic bitch time and time again with girls. Only ever gotten laid out of sheer luck against my moronic nature. And by using monnnnneeeyyy. 

 

This falls under "Mistakes Are Still Being Made" ?

 

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There's a light, silly answer.  The more comfortable I am with and fond of a woman I become, the more likely I am to tease her.  I'm basically a 5th grader in that regard.  Even recently, at dinner with multiple Fortress ladies, I was teasing and on the way home, wondered if I had been annoying or disrespectful.  Oh, and I remember a really hot girl in a writing class I was taking stopping me as she passed to compliment one of my personal essays, and instead of asking her if she wanted to get a coffee I thanked her, didn't even compliment her essay, and kept going.

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  • 2 weeks later...

   A couple of weeks ago my therapist and i discussed this episode and it felt good to get it out there in the light of day... So i don't mind airing it out here too.. cos it fits the subject pretty well.

 

   Many years ago i met and spent 3 exceptional years with my perfect other.. she's also the one who introduced me to a mild and innocent version of BDSM.. we didn't recognize it for what it was, and we didn't have a name for it, and we certainly didn't tell our friends about it ..but it fit us and we fit it.

It wasn't just the sex,.. we fit each other perfectly on so many other levels.

After 3 years it was time to begin planning our future together and we found a perfect detached one bedroom apartment in a wooded area with plenty of privacy. 

We couldn't believe our eyes when we saw one of those old fashioned barber chairs in the middle of the large kitchen, and our heads spun with thoughts of the many positions available to strap each other down.

We began to acquire furniture by any means possible, and within weeks of our planned move in date, my reality set in.

Leaving my wife who had known for years about us was not an issue, but i couldn't leave my 2 small children.. back in those days it just wasn't done so easily.  When i tried to tell them i'd be going away i simply couldn't get the words out.

So i stayed in that untenable marriage and my perfect other knew enough not to waste her life waiting for me.

She made up her mind that it wasn't gonna fix itself, and since she was the one with the strength in our relationship, done was done.

Once she was gone i didn't look very hard for someone else ... i doubted there could be another like her. .. so i buried myself in my career and went about forgetting.

 I finally divorced some years later when the boys were grown, and as they began their adulthood they must have chose sides and didn't really need me any longer. They eventually moved to North Carolina and i haven't heard from them in years.

 

   If only i would have answered the siren call of that barber's chair... there is not a doubt in my mind the fairy tale would have followed. 

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