submissive nature

[joey]

being a slave for a little less than two years i often wonder what happens to a submissive who refuses to acknowledge the fact that he is submissive.

 

does it lead to emotionial of psychological problems?

 

i can't answer the question because i engage in the servitude of Asian dominants. i can't imagine not giving in to my submissive nature.

 

i'll definitely be a slave for the rest of my life. i'll be eighty years old in the dungeon and still getting my ass whipped by a young Asian domme.

[zeekthegeek]

im no psychologist, but i would assume that two things can happen to the submissive in question: (1) he hates the fact that he is submissive but he does absolutely nothing to correct the issue. this refusal to do anything about the problem causes him to mentally deteriorate over time. (2) the submissive learns to think and behave in another way. he makes it habit to operate in this way and, with time, overcome his dilemma. but who wants to refuse being submissive, right?

[Mistress Zhao]

I would suspect that this question may be answered best by a submissive in denial or his therapist.

 

I have one experience where a client came in to the Fortress for a session under the guise of "roleplay". We would do scripted and non-scripted domination over him, all the while still giving him opportunities to speak his mind, even if only in "character". Soon, it turned out that this client was quite submissive and was afraid of letting go of the facade he carried with him through daily life.

The thing about the Fortress is that within our walls, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a slutty lady, you can be an inanimate object, you can be a big baby, you can be a sex toy thief caught in the act and justly punished, but you could also just be a completely vulnerable version of yourself.

I suppose any kind of denial could potentially lead to emotional and psychological problems, but I suspect that is why a client comes to us in the first place. It's like one of those "my friend is interested in being submissive..." scenarios where there's still a residue of embarrassment about it, but it's slowly disintegrating because of the open-mindedness of our Mistresses.

Wouldn't you agree, joey, that there is freedom in submission?

[Mistress Faye Sunya]

I think by not acknowledging their submissive nature earlier, it can lead to a lot of psychological stress and confusion in life.

They may feel like a lot of things in their life are being unfulfilled and therefore might be constantly looking for an outlet.

I always felt dominant but did nto fully recognize it until I had a friend who was also a woman of dominant nature.

[joey]

I would suspect that this question may be answered best by a submissive in denial or his therapist.

 

I have one experience where a client came in to the Fortress for a session under the guise of "roleplay". We would do scripted and non-scripted domination over him, all the while still giving him opportunities to speak his mind, even if only in "character". Soon, it turned out that this client was quite submissive and was afraid of letting go of the facade he carried with him through daily life.

The thing about the Fortress is that within our walls, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a slutty lady, you can be an inanimate object, you can be a big baby, you can be a sex toy thief caught in the act and justly punished, but you could also just be a completely vulnerable version of yourself.

I suppose any kind of denial could potentially lead to emotional and psychological problems, but I suspect that is why a client comes to us in the first place. It's like one of those "my friend is interested in being submissive..." scenarios where there's still a residue of embarrassment about it, but it's slowly disintegrating because of the open-mindedness of our Mistresses.

Wouldn't you agree, joey, that there is freedom in submission?

 

yes, definetly, Superior MZ! i have found that there is freedom in slavery that most men will never experience. everyone has a submissive side. i would suggest that everyone explore that submissive side of themselves. thank You Superior MZ! You are most insightfull.

[joey]

I think by not acknowledging their submissive nature earlier, it can lead to a lot of psychological stress and confusion in life.

They may feel like a lot of things in their life are being unfulfilled and therefore might be constantly looking for an outlet.

I always felt dominant but did nto fully recognize it until I had a friend who was also a woman of dominant nature.

 

thank you Superior Mistress Sunya. your response is definetly informative.

[Mistress Haru]

Denying one's nature is like damming up a river; the dam may burst, but what's more likely, is that the water will find cracks and flow through. Speaking with submissives, it's fascinating to see how it trickles into their daily lives.

[akiravn1]

I would suspect that this question may be answered best by a submissive in denial or his therapist.

 

I have one experience where a client came in to the Fortress for a session under the guise of "roleplay". We would do scripted and non-scripted domination over him, all the while still giving him opportunities to speak his mind, even if only in "character". Soon, it turned out that this client was quite submissive and was afraid of letting go of the facade he carried with him through daily life.

The thing about the Fortress is that within our walls, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a slutty lady, you can be an inanimate object, you can be a big baby, you can be a sex toy thief caught in the act and justly punished, but you could also just be a completely vulnerable version of yourself.

I suppose any kind of denial could potentially lead to emotional and psychological problems, but I suspect that is why a client comes to us in the first place. It's like one of those "my friend is interested in being submissive..." scenarios where there's still a residue of embarrassment about it, but it's slowly disintegrating because of the open-mindedness of our Mistresses.

 

Lovin' the fact that it can simply be a completely vulnerable version of yourself. You do touch upon many interesting facets of submission.

[joey]

Denying one's nature is like damming up a river; the dam may burst, but what's more likely, is that the water will find cracks and flow through. Speaking with submissives, it's fascinating to see how it trickles into their daily lives.

 

excellent response! thank you Superior Mistress Haru!

[Outcast]

Denying one's nature is like damming up a river; the dam may burst, but what's more likely, is that the water will find cracks and flow through. Speaking with submissives, it's fascinating to see how it trickles into their daily lives.

That's an analogy I've hear before and found truth in. It's a reason I find celibacy potentially harmful. It's a human need that if you "dam" it up the water has to go somewhere and can end going into some unhealthy places (pedophilia, rape, violence toward others) . The same could be true of ignoring certain parts of your sexuality I suppose. In my private relationships I always try to be spontaneous and fun and most times I have to be the aggressor. Mostly vanilla with tinges of dominance on my part is usually how it is. In the FF I can let go and be submissive. I can discuss things that I would never reveal anyplace else. I really enjoy being submissive in that way. I find it liberating and fun.

[Outcast]

 

 

Lovin' the fact that it can simply be a completely vulnerable version of yourself. You do touch upon many interesting facets of submission.

I believe that applies to me as well. I don't change personalities but definitely become more vulnerable.

[akiravn1]

Denying one's nature is like damming up a river; the dam may burst, but what's more likely, is that the water will find cracks and flow through. Speaking with submissives, it's fascinating to see how it trickles into their daily lives.

 

That is so true Mistress Haru, I normally treat myself to a massage a couple times a month at an AMP which has also helped bring out a submissive nature in me.

[Mistress Zhao]

This is a very good and important point, sod. The unhealthy places that sexual energy can go are what seem to be damaging morale in terms of social behavior. It's always best to honor your truest desires.

 

That's an analogy I've hear before and found truth in. It's a reason I find celibacy potentially harmful. It's a human need that if you "dam" it up the water has to go somewhere and can end going into some unhealthy places (pedophilia, rape, violence toward others) . The same could be true of ignoring certain parts of your sexuality I suppose. In my private relationships I always try to be spontaneous and fun and most times I have to be the aggressor. Mostly vanilla with tinges of dominance on my part is usually how it is. In the FF I can let go and be submissive. I can discuss things that I would never reveal anyplace else. I really enjoy being submissive in that way. I find it liberating and fun.

[Milkdud]

Mistress Zhao,

If you can say, it would be interesting to know what became of this client and whether he was able to realize his submissive fantasies?

I often wonder if being submissive is a matter of a person's nature and therefore fixed or is it more fluid and dependent on play with a specific dominant other? I think for switches like myself, opportunities for erotic BDSM play can present the possibility of taking either role. I used to struggle with this more but find myself clearer about submission within power exchange when the energy flows in that direction. . I've definitely learned that being overpowered in various ways triggers a deep reservoir of submissive energy for me;) And I definitely agree that it is freeing! And how great is the FF to allow all of this exploration!

LW

　

I would suspect that this question may be answered best by a submissive in denial or his therapist.

 

I have one experience where a client came in to the Fortress for a session under the guise of "roleplay". We would do scripted and non-scripted domination over him, all the while still giving him opportunities to speak his mind, even if only in "character". Soon, it turned out that this client was quite submissive and was afraid of letting go of the facade he carried with him through daily life.

The thing about the Fortress is that within our walls, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a slutty lady, you can be an inanimate object, you can be a big baby, you can be a sex toy thief caught in the act and justly punished, but you could also just be a completely vulnerable version of yourself.

I suppose any kind of denial could potentially lead to emotional and psychological problems, but I suspect that is why a client comes to us in the first place. It's like one of those "my friend is interested in being submissive..." scenarios where there's still a residue of embarrassment about it, but it's slowly disintegrating because of the open-mindedness of our Mistresses.

Wouldn't you agree, joey, that there is freedom in submission?

[Mistress Faye Sunya]

thank you Superior Mistress Sunya. your response is definetly informative.

 

I'm glad that you agree and that there are some like minded people out there..

[Manpeach]

I would suspect that this question may be answered best by a submissive in denial or his therapist.

 

I have one experience where a client came in to the Fortress for a session under the guise of "roleplay". We would do scripted and non-scripted domination over him, all the while still giving him opportunities to speak his mind, even if only in "character". Soon, it turned out that this client was quite submissive and was afraid of letting go of the facade he carried with him through daily life.

 

This has a very familiar feel to it Mistress Zhao. I didn't get it and let go until 2/3 into my 3rd session with you.

Thank you for opening my eyes. Now I want to see.

[Mistress Zhao]

LW,

 

This is a very interesting question, but I know no better than anyone else can speculate.

My theory is that it's both. Some people are very submissive in nature, and that desire is only exacerbated by daily stressors such as breadwinning and being in charge of many endeavors. But there is also an exploratory, more fluid aspect to submission, which I find is amplified when someone with the right tendencies is able to find a partner which whom they're willing to let control them. This desire could be latent until domination is set forth, so the curiosity for that feeling of pleasing their partner to the point of submission grows with time as the relationship does. So everything you've reflected on in yourself is correct, but isn't always the case for everyone.

 

The client I mentioned, who shall remain nameless until further notice, has mentioned that his eyes are now open to his own submissive nature. In his case, I believe it's the former theory. But the latter also comes into play because I believe he only feels safe within certain company (is this redundant?). As for this particular client, I think that his facade of control through roleplay has melted away and he is more adept at owning his own submissive nature and perhaps exploring the boundaries and limitations of what that means for him.

 

I feel like I just repeated everything you wrote.

 

Mistress Zhao,

If you can say, it would be interesting to know what became of this client and whether he was able to realize his submissive fantasies?

I often wonder if being submissive is a matter of a person's nature and therefore fixed or is it more fluid and dependent on play with a specific dominant other? I think for switches like myself, opportunities for erotic BDSM play can present the possibility of taking either role. I used to struggle with this more but find myself clearer about submission within power exchange when the energy flows in that direction. . I've definitely learned that being overpowered in various ways triggers a deep reservoir of submissive energy for me;) And I definitely agree that it is freeing! And how great is the FF to allow all of this exploration!

LW

　

[deanroberts]

Some of us are just fetishists that take on a submissive role, but aren't truly subs. No real desire to be dominated, but it is a fun part that comes with the territory -- I just happen to [be very oral], [and love general "waste"], and spit. It is a woman in control and who knows what she wants and demands it that is sexy.

Edited April 3, 2013 by Mistress Kang
by Kang

[Phred]

This is a great topic. I have been discussing BDSM with a female friend of mine - she's very curious and knows that I like BDSM, but she doesn't really know the full extent. The other day she asked me if I was more comfortable being dominant or submissive, and I blurted out "I'm dominant 100% of the time - I need a break, so of course I'm submissive." Caught me a bit by surprise ...

[akiravn1]

 

My theory is that it's both. Some people are very submissive in nature, and that desire is only exacerbated by daily stressors such as breadwinning and being in charge of many endeavors. But there is also an exploratory, more fluid aspect to submission, which I find is amplified when someone with the right tendencies is able to find a partner which whom they're willing to let control them. This desire could be latent until domination is set forth, so the curiosity for that feeling of pleasing their partner to the point of submission grows with time as the relationship does. So everything you've reflected on in yourself is correct, but isn't always the case for everyone.

 

The client I mentioned, who shall remain nameless until further notice, has mentioned that his eyes are now open to his own submissive nature. In his case, I believe it's the former theory. But the latter also comes into play because I believe he only feels safe within certain company (is this redundant?). As for this particular client, I think that his facade of control through roleplay has melted away and he is more adept at owning his own submissive nature and perhaps exploring the boundaries and limitations of what that means for him.

 

I did find this extremely insightful, as I admit to being a submissive. Even if entering into a particular scenario as dominant, sooner or later, I always like to end up being the submissive, but never gave a lot of serious thought to why this is, or even the origins of this nature.

[Manpeach]

Denying one's nature is like damming up a river; the dam may burst, but what's more likely, is that the water will find cracks and flow through. Speaking with submissives, it's fascinating to see how it trickles into their daily lives.

 

I haven't thought about this before, but my submissive nature has always "leaked" thorough the dam. I believe now that it has played a major role in my personality

 

I have stepped over my submissive nature when I was in college and leadership opportunities opened up or I was pushed into. In my career, It is sometimes nessary to be demanding, controlling and I can be arrogant. But this not my nature and is controlled by my submissive side "leaking through " making me more cooperative, less egotistical and a better person in general. More often than not this is the way I operate and has contributed more to my success.

 

As I've grown older and winding down my career the cracks have gotten bigger and more is leaking through. Sometimes to the point where it is difficult to function.

[Milkdud]

Hot discourse always you do generously give Mistress Zhao. Thank you. Your words are anything but a recapitulation and redundant. RP's in my experience can be a way to project some small amount of control or just express theatrical playfulness and they are a good way to test the waters for the somewhat timid. . I do think that finding submissive authenticity is a beautiful thing and I find it to have many positive reverberations for me;) I have generally felt that it is a kind of energy rebalancing based on current relationship dynamics as you know. Latent for me, yes, in its deeper sense, as I can recall so many instances where I was not able to go there in past encounters. I like your description of the progression of the D&S relationship as curiosity to please growing into deepening submission with another. I cannot wait to explore that further ) AndI am certainly glad as a fellow perv to see this other client realize his submissive potential.

LW

　

LW,

 

This is a very interesting question, but I know no better than anyone else can speculate.

My theory is that it's both. Some people are very submissive in nature, and that desire is only exacerbated by daily stressors such as breadwinning and being in charge of many endeavors. But there is also an exploratory, more fluid aspect to submission, which I find is amplified when someone with the right tendencies is able to find a partner which whom they're willing to let control them. This desire could be latent until domination is set forth, so the curiosity for that feeling of pleasing their partner to the point of submission grows with time as the relationship does. So everything you've reflected on in yourself is correct, but isn't always the case for everyone.

 

The client I mentioned, who shall remain nameless until further notice, has mentioned that his eyes are now open to his own submissive nature. In his case, I believe it's the former theory. But the latter also comes into play because I believe he only feels safe within certain company (is this redundant?). As for this particular client, I think that his facade of control through roleplay has melted away and he is more adept at owning his own submissive nature and perhaps exploring the boundaries and limitations of what that means for him.

 

I feel like I just repeated everything you wrote.

[Mistress Haru]

This might run counter to what we're saying, but thinking in static binaries is impossible with anything, and BDSM in particular has many exchanges of power and control. To submit, you need to be trustful of your partner(s) and put yourself into their hands, but it also involves a thorough investigation of limits, which may necessitate levels of what can be identified as assertion and directness, otherwise that relationship can be negatively impacted. To be dominant, you need to be able to exert that power and control over your partner, but you're also consistently mindful of their safety and respectful of their limits.

[Manpeach]

This might run counter to what we're saying, but thinking in static binaries is impossible with anything, and BDSM in particular has many exchanges of power and control. To submit, you need to be trustful of your partner(s) and put yourself into their hands, but it also involves a thorough investigation of limits, which may necessitate levels of what can be identified as assertion and directness, otherwise that relationship can be negatively impacted. To be dominant, you need to be able to exert that power and control over your partner, but you're also consistently mindful of their safety and respectful of their limits.

 

Trust is key for a sub to have in their mistress. Also a sense of respect from the mistress is required to build that trust. As a master has for their pet.

I recall trying to set up a session with a mistress who regularly traveled to my area. We had agreed to a day and time, when I called to confirm she couldn't do it an we rescheduled for the next. I understand stuff happens , but we went through this 3 times. Always her canceling at the last minute. Although she was beautiful and I wanted to meet her I knew I wouldn't be able to trust her. I declined rescheduling.

[joey]

This might run counter to what we're saying, but thinking in static binaries is impossible with anything, and BDSM in particular has many exchanges of power and control. To submit, you need to be trustful of your partner(s) and put yourself into their hands, but it also involves a thorough investigation of limits, which may necessitate levels of what can be identified as assertion and directness, otherwise that relationship can be negatively impacted. To be dominant, you need to be able to exert that power and control over your partner, but you're also consistently mindful of their safety and respectful of their limits.

 

excellent Superior Mistress Haru. you are a sage-femme.